Are we there YET?

[Phoenix_spark]

Thanks Kellie, I really do need to get serious about reading again. I think I better make it a priority again.

[slowly]

Hi PS - Greetings from a lurker There is so much progress here, I'm always coming to your thread when I need some encouragement.

The battle that seems to be the root of all this is the decision she needs to make between the person she needs to be (wife, mother, religious..)or the person that her friends and coworkers want her to be.

Many people spend their entire life caught between these two worlds - I hope your wife can be inspired by your amazing insight and jump off the fence.

Slowly

[BeingMe]

Thanks Phoenix. I wish things could've been different for me too, but it's H's choice, so I have to go along with it. I don't know that I would want him to change his mind now anyway - I would probably still want the D. One can take only so much lying before you lose trust completely. On the plus side, he actually bought me a new car this weekend. One thing he has kept his word on, so I hope he does with the other things he promised in our pre-separation agreement.

In your case, I think it's a matter of waiting it out, and trying to be positive within yourself while you're waiting. I know, we say GAL all the time on the bb, but it's so true. I guess it's like waiting at the airport to board your plane. You know you're going somewhere exciting, but you have to wait and while doing so, you can read or play a game or whatever. You cannot make that plane leave earlier. So it is with your wife, she must come around in her own time. Frustrating I know, especially if she's doing irresponsible things like spending money like a bad habit! You hang in there. I think it will all turn out fine for you.

[Phoenix_spark]

Well I fell for some of my wife's selfish behavior last night and here I am today feeling hopeless. Her forcast for the rest of our lives is that we can limp along in "a loveless" relationship since that is what our kids need, and that is all she can give. She did admit she "could be acting selfish", but that's all she can do right now. Doesn't want anything to do with counselors, since they tell her what she doesn't want to hear. I guess she figures the kids will have to take what they get, because all she can focus on now is her. I hope that someday my kids have the resolve to have better relationships than their parents.

At this point it looks like she feels that she will sink in her heals and do what ever she wants, at whatever cost she wants, as long as she can say I did it all on my terms, the hell with the rest of you. I can honestly say I have no expectations for this relationship any more. I will let God take over, let him take it where he wants to and ride out the storm. Personally I am a strong believer is dealing with your choices, not just putting my head in the dirt. I have given it what I can, now let's see where it goes from here. She would be the first to tell the kids to make things happier in their lives, but the last to do it in her own.

So I guess I will take peace in my own actions, she'll have to deal with her own. Maybe some day she will wake up and see the results of her actions before it is to late. For our kids sake I hope it's sooner than later.

[BeingMe]

I think you have the right attitude, Phoenix. You have done all that you can. Live your life now the best way you know, under these circumstances. Your W must know (from all the lessons we get at church), that our actions have consequences. I hope our spouses can live with theirs, as we have to also live with the consequences of their actions - this is where the selfish part comes in.

I think of you everyday, my friend. I hope you can find solace in that we have no choice but to let God work it out for us. I am trying to rebuild my faith, and it's hard, but I think I have at least that much faith, that God is the only one who can work miracles. Stay strong, and courageous for your children's sake, but also for your own sake.

[Phoenix_spark]

Thanks BeingMe. I can't believe some days how far the W can be off the path and still feel she is doing what she needs to do. There is a phrase about luke warm that seems to be burning in my head today. I am definately learning again how to ponder and pray. As difficult as it is to find the time I will definately have to hit the books again tonight. A lot of reading to do, along with a full schedule. Hope at least things are positive for you.

[BeingMe]

I have stopped praying for myself, and don't much for anyone else, anymore. I am going to have to build up what little faith I had, again. Ebb and flow, ebb and flow. That is the way our lives seem to go.

Things are as positive as they can be, under the circumstances. We are still in our home, still in our bed - it's weird! I am looking forward to moving on with my life, and experiencing new things. I am tired of this same old, boring relationship, that goes nowhere. I think I should've left him a long time ago, but I didn't. At least, I feel I have tried everything, and it's not me walking away. This is his choice. The same with you, I guess. It's your W's choice, and she will reap what she sows today. We should actually pity our WAS's without being arrogant, but maybe they don't see the picture the same way we do.

Okay, I will stop being philosophical (sp?) now. Ha!

[BeingMe]

Hope you have lots of good things planned for the weekend, Phoenix. Will be thinking of ya!

[Phoenix_spark]

Has been a mixed week, some breaks, some disappointments. For now I've just been running under the radar. I'm not happy with where we're at, but it's better than where we were. I've been looking at BethJ thread and it's given me alot of insite. I kind of needed that tonight. Well I better study and head off to bed.

[Phoenix_spark]

So many mixed signals. Right now it seems to be a matter of will power. It amazes me how some people can rationalize what they do. Some days I wish that I could have this on video for playback when this is all over. Hopefully that day will come, sooner than later. The challenge for my day right now is to trust and just go along for the ride (give her space).