Your probably right. I'm kind of a little tired of working so hard at this, watching my steps and of course the feeling that this is the way the rest of my life is going to be, does not thrill me. Although things have improved, my wife is not exactly professing love for me. In some ways I am still working at forcing myself to trust even though every irregularity drives me nuts. I so much want to sit down with her and have a "what the H___ are you doing, quit this BS and lets get back to what we should be working on" discussion.
Song of the Day
Wish you were here - Pink Floyd
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from hell Blue skies from pain Can you tell a green field from a cold steet rail
Running over the same old ground What have we found The same old fears Wish you were here
One thing that helped me a lot when I was feeling frustrated was to note and post 3 positives a day. What I was able to see, then, was that h WAS making progress towards me but that it wasn't always in my LL and/or it wasn't always at the pace I wanted.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Your absolutely right. Some times I feel I get too bogged down in the battle and over look the positive. Maybe I'll try to make that suggestion my primary goal for this next week.
How was the weekend, Phoenix. Hope it was a good one for you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Weekend was great. Wife was with family out of town. I miss her, but don't miss the anxiety and stress. It was kind of nice just to be myself again for a few days. Walking around trying to evaluate my every move is tough. Sat with in-laws and discussed some of the latest odd behaviors with them. They are not aware of sitch, but feel that she will get over this behavior. I hope their right. You don't know how tempting it was for me to lay out the whole story. Maybe some day they will know. I don't think I could have done an unbiased job of presenting the facts. Who knows if I really have all the facts. Not sure if I want to.
I felt it better to come here and voice my feelings before I cause damage to what we do have. Right now I am quite exasperated with the slow wishy washy way things are progressing. When it comes to problems I am a dive in and get it done or sit down and think it through type of guy. I'm not real good at sit back and watch and wait. So needless to say I am not pleased at how things are inching forward.
Part of my problem too is that I run a very busy day, not a lot of time to sit down and read and think. In fact, not even much time to be on the computer. Lately I have been holding back and letting her have her time and space, however I feel like I am being the whipping boy and lacky. My feeling is someone has to be the adult and parent for this house. She feels she is falling back into the "old groove" again, which she feels that's what I want. However now that the lights have been turned on, theres no way I'm going back to that state of mind.
As she drags this out I find myself becoming more and more irritated about the matter. I can not leave the kids and house, so I guess at some point it will boil over and I'll call it as I see it. This would probably not be good form so maybe I'll give my C a call and see if she has any words of wisdom.
Keep up the good work, Phoenix! I wish I was able to keep things to myself, like you. On the other hand, I'm glad I got the truth out of my H, and I feel I can let go now.
Good idea to give your C a call. Thinking of ya!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I have been watching the progress in your sitch too. Needless to say I have mixed feelings on what to say. In some ways I know what we should be doing, but I can relate also to the exasperated feelings your going through. If I get a chance later, perhaps I'll drop you and e-mail. Something a little more direct.
Look forward to your email, Phoenix. My H has made it clear to me that he wants the D, so I will not stand in his way any longer. I will, in fact, help it along. I do not trust him, and, quite frankly, am not that attracted to him anymore. I am done! I am lucky in that my kids are older, except for D12, whereas yours are still young and all at home. You have something to fight for, I think. Your W has not had previous problems with porno such as my H had(at least, I don't remember you mentioning that), plus his inability to communicate his feelings to me, which can make a person very selfish. It's just a matter of time before my H promotes his EA to a PA, with the previous OW, or a new one. I do not intend to be around to go through all that crap.
Again, in my opinion, you have something worthwhile fighting for. I have simply come to the realization, that I don't, and am letting what's left of our M, go. Having said that, I will not lock the door on our R, but my H will have a long and windy road to get back to me, if he so chooses. Who knows what the future holds, 'eh?
You keep up the good fight, Phoenix, and I am looking forward to hearing of your victory.
Last edited by BeingMe; 03/21/0509:42 PM.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Not sure what to do some days. Things are decent, not where I want them to be, not where I fell safe and wanted, but not happy. Wife seems to be making positive moves, showing good intent, but still sometimes showing (and occasionally saying) how frustrated she is with the idea of staying. Is she going to stay and do the right thing or cave into her MLC fantasies and sort out the pieces on the other side?
My D3 woke up this morning crying. When I asked her what was wrong, all she would say is, "Daddy don't leave. You aren't going to leave are you?". I assured her no I was not going to leave, so I guess I'm commited. She has no trouble with me coming and going to work, or me dropping her off at daycare. She can however sense that things are not right with me and W. The tone in the house is better, but the trust thing is a slow long road.
What worries me sometimes is her emotional/spiritual roller coaster. Some days she is the same old girl I married, some days you would swear you had eaten her chocolate. I don't have any hard evidence, but the influence of the girls at work definately seem to be negative. Most of them are D or D and on second tour of duty. There seems to be a real need amoung the group to live the flamboyant and exciting life style. In most cases, this seems to draw them away from their relationships and families. Like I mentioned, high D rate or if not D a history of S.
W loves her job, has wanted to do it all her life, but the environment seems to have negative affect away from work. Financially we could not make it without her job, so I couldn't ask her to quite. Maybe she just needs to be a little more selective with her friends and recognize their influence. But I guess all of us can say that. To me if it's a choice of impressing friends or keeping family, there really is no choice, family is most valuable.
I was told once that the best gift you can give your children is to love your spouse. This in turn builds the family and gives the children happiness. Too often I hear, "do worry about the children if you break up", they'll be alright. I don't think these children are ever happy about their family sitch, just learn to deal with the ongoing pain and keep a positive attitude so they can survive. You would not believe the amount of times, teenagers of split homes, unaware of my sitch, have told me the troubles they have/are going through as a result of a divorce. So many times I wish I had video tape for each time the spouse has said the kids will be alright and I just want to be happy as a justification for wanting to S or D. There is no happy ever after for anyone with an S or D, especially if it's not really justified (drugs, alchohol, abuse....).
Sorry about the rant. I now relinquish my soapbox. Have the best Easter weekend possible. Stay positive.
