Lately I've been having a real difficult time staying on track, focused and upbeat. It's not a matter of effort not being made by wife. Although there are positives and changes, so much trust has been betrayed, negative attitudes towards the R were voiced in C, mix this with her reluctance to commit to change and here I stand not knowing where exactly I am. Perhaps I have just not really found the ability to truely forgive. But I guess I'm just a little frustrated since we've been down this road before. You think it's hard to work past the hurt and forgive the first time, wait till the second time.
I am just having difficulty getting excited about an R where you have heared the other person say that they question if they really loved you, don't see things getting better and then still show signs of hangups after months of DBing. Don't get me wrong, there have been good effort put out on both sides, but she won't come to me (I've stayed backed off on the R talks) and commit to the fact that she will work through this. This sitting in limbo is just sucking.
On the positive side, she has initiated a hug and stopped to give me a kiss. But again, due to lack of trust I don't know if she's doing that to make things better or just to get what she wants. Well I just had to get this out. I do love the girl dearly (still), but am just dying from the uncertainty. Because of the kids I will never leave, however I am starting to get some degree of animosity as a result of the wait.
Sorry I just needed a mitch and bone session. Positive input would be appreciated.
