For the last few weeks I have been working on trying to be more of a friend and staying "cling free". Most of this seems to be working pretty good. I really have to watch that I don't let myself get clingy. We run a pretty busy life and it's nice to slow down and be close. However, the being close part still appears to be a speedbump in the R. Mixed signals there. Waiting to see how that develops.
I'll definately have to put something together and get your input. I need to sit down and get my thoughts together. There will be something coming though in the near future. Right now I am in a weird place mentally, not sure where to go, but I feel I'm doing the right things. I'm going to go review some DR and go to sleep. Congrats again on your new lease on your R. Have a vixen experience for me.
Hey Phoenix! How are things on your end of the planet? Hope there has been some improvement in your sitch! Things are still moving along in my neck of the woods, and I am starting to learn that patience certainly has it's rewards, if I could just apply it.
Hope you have a great long weekend!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm still around, just watching and learning, don't feel like saying much. The sitch has improved, I'll feel a little more comfortable, but a long way from home free. Since this is my second time through this kind of experience, trust is a real bear. So you can guess the advice I give out is from experience, however, it doesn't make it any easier.
Valentine's day was a tough call. However, it did turn out for the best. I got a card and candy. The card had some good things written on it, very encouraging. Some days I can see how I love this girl, some days I am mad at what she has put me through. However, I can see how she is slowly reaching out to me and I feel that I must encourage it.
So much more that I could say, but don't feel like hanging the laundry out here. Our whole problem in our sitch has MLC written all over it. Her strugle right now seems to be getting over the fact that with our life and responsibilities, now is not the time to go back and try to re-invent a "college lifestyle" to impress others. But I digress!
I am sure learning how to keep game face in this relationship. Perhaps the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that the person that I should be able to be relaxed with and share my feelings with, is the person I have to be on the most guard around and not show any feelings around. Going home after work is the toughest, it's like putting your feelings/freedom back in a bottle for the night. Well enough negative. I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't focus on what I know I need to do.
I sat the other night and watched Dr Phil electronicly coach some girl on how to be a more desirable date. I wonder if Michele could do that for me some days. Also I would feel better if some day I could pull out video tape and show my wife when she denies all the garbage I've had to and will endure in this experience.
However, with that said, I still found myself sitting there tonight watching my wife and thinking how much I admire and love certain things about her. I guess I just have to be thankful for how things are going and that they are moving in a positive direction. When I hear what some of the rest of you are going through, I am thankful for what I have. I just have to remind myself, it won't all solve itself in one episode (TV) and at least I had a chance to do something about it. Be assured I don't tell myself that someday I will just laugh about it. At least I can see some light.
Thought I better check in to see what was going on. So far things have been alright. Spent a few days apart (family events). Looking forward to seeing her again tomorrow. Have tried to be causual and let her initiate most contact. We'll see what affect it has tomorrow. Have a good weekend.
Lately I've been having a real difficult time staying on track, focused and upbeat. It's not a matter of effort not being made by wife. Although there are positives and changes, so much trust has been betrayed, negative attitudes towards the R were voiced in C, mix this with her reluctance to commit to change and here I stand not knowing where exactly I am. Perhaps I have just not really found the ability to truely forgive. But I guess I'm just a little frustrated since we've been down this road before. You think it's hard to work past the hurt and forgive the first time, wait till the second time.
I am just having difficulty getting excited about an R where you have heared the other person say that they question if they really loved you, don't see things getting better and then still show signs of hangups after months of DBing. Don't get me wrong, there have been good effort put out on both sides, but she won't come to me (I've stayed backed off on the R talks) and commit to the fact that she will work through this. This sitting in limbo is just sucking.
On the positive side, she has initiated a hug and stopped to give me a kiss. But again, due to lack of trust I don't know if she's doing that to make things better or just to get what she wants. Well I just had to get this out. I do love the girl dearly (still), but am just dying from the uncertainty. Because of the kids I will never leave, however I am starting to get some degree of animosity as a result of the wait.
Sorry I just needed a mitch and bone session. Positive input would be appreciated.
Mmmm! I posted a reply yesterday, and it's not here. Weird!
Anyway, Phoenix, mitch and bone away! You're in a safe place for it.
I identify very closely to your sitch, as you know. This isn't the first time my H has put me through the wringer, although porn was his previous choice of torture (he did cheat on me before we got married - should've taken note of that and not gone through with it, but my kids are worth the trouble).
What I suggested to you yesterday, was to take a mental mini-holiday from the DB'ing process. Decide that you're not going to let anything bother you for the next week, or whatever, and just be happy in yourself and your children.
Good luck, my friend!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
