Are we there YET?

[Zoo]

Lol Phoenix...actually, damage control does get run here, just not with the same amoutn of oversealousness as elsewhere

You use the methods of db'ing that work for you. Not everyone has to go dark or resort to LRT etc. Personally, I think too many people are jumping into those particularly methods much too rapidly here lately. I think they are thumbing through the book looking for the quick fix and since they feel desperate (who doesn't when the bobm is first dropped?) they immediatley reach for more desperate measures. Keep it simple and easy and give things time...that is what I have learned

Have you read any of BillM's threads ? He was in a pretty hairy sitch for quite awhile (living with a W who was actively dating and doing everything she could think of to make him be the one to leave) and had an AMAZING turn around...his W even posted on the bb eventually with a message about WAW's. I believe his threads can be found in "Success" stories here in Piecing.

It is very important NOT to R talk...even when you have reconciled, at least in the beginning. You definitely don't want to do it when either one of you are feeling down or in a bad mood. It usually ends up going bad and is unproductive. If the R comes up in that type of sitch then WALK AWAY. Even though YOU want to talk about it badly or a comment is made you feel you just have to reply to...DON'T. Be polite about it...something like " what you are saying is a valid point/issue but I don't feel/think I can respond to it right now in a constructive manner. Perhaps we can talk about it later when I am in a more positive fram of mind and can give it all of my attention?" Then go run an errand or something.

HTH
Zoo