I'm glad you posted because I've been trying to figure out how to describe what I am currently feeling. After 4 years of no sex, W and I started to have occasional sex, but without very much enthusiasm from W. For example it had to be in the dark, and no words were exchanged. A very good consequence of this is that I have lost my desperation for sex. A possible bad outcome: Have I lost my libido altogether? Whereas I used to lie in bed wondering, "Why does she keep rejecting me?" I now lie in bed thinking that I'm pretty happy over on my side (by the way, DD6 and DS4 are in the bed with us).
Don't get me wrong, life is better now. W and I get along better. We may argue, but it doesn't fester. I am currenly accepting that once, or, if I'm lucky, twice a month is fine.
I'm reminded of my DD6. She is given no more than 10 minutes worth of homework each night. But rather than do it in 10 minutes, she does anything she can to avoid that homework. She eventually gets it done, but only after 1,2 or 3 hours, and after intense prodding on our part. My W takes after DD6. She will fight me tooth, nail and thensome to avoid the (10? 15? 20?) minutes that LM would take if she's not in the mood.
To put a positive spin on the situation, one could argue that LM is actually very important to her, and that she doesn't want to cheapen it by doing it under less than ideal conditions. That holds water until you consider that she won't lift a finger to help make the conditions ideal (e.g., shoo the kids from the bed, take a romantic weekend trip, etc.)
