Keep on venting. Let it out, don't keep it in. Is he aware of how you are feeling? Has he heard you say some of these words?
The current problems between my H and I are my fault, yet he had put me through so much in the last 9 years that I have felt this way too. I would say to my best friend: "I fought for him! I wanted him back so bad, and *this* is what I fought for?" (and I believe what I did was to lash out at him for everything he has caused) but looking at the positives, and believing how much he loves me give me the motivation... *gave* me the motivation to continue on with him all those years. Almost like forgiving his faults, and as someone said, recognizing them as a mistake making human.
He has made changes in himself though... so maybe this part differs from your stitch. Has he made changes to better himself? I am getting the impression that he is still the same man as before. If so, then maybe he has just started his long road of self bettering...
Noone can say that the stitch isn't right for you.... but maybe this space you need is telling you something. Even if is just asking for a break again- this time on YOUR terms while he adjusts to the new person he needs to become.
I am no expert, but I thought that I would comment since your posts reminded me of how I felt many, many times.
I am glad we are reconciling, yet a small part of me wonders if this is what I really want- regardless of how much I love him... I have been with him since I was 18 and I am almost 28.... is there another life out there for me? I guess time will tell, but for now, I feel 99.9% right about this...
Does this make any sense? Hang in there, Jen. Your world has been flip-flopped around for a while and I SWEAR the vertigo takes a while to go away. But it does disappear when you decide what you really want...
