I need to journal before I have a nervous breakdown. Since I was last here my H has been hospitalized. He is not dealing with the situation that he has created very well. He is under investigation at work for the PA and it has finally hit him like a ton of bricks what he has done.
Once again, I am in the position of helping him when he is the one who has done this. I know that this sounds so cold hearted but I am so tired. He is dealing with depression and anxiety....hello that has been the last 18 months for me!!
Maybe it is my inablility to trust right now that makes me think that this is just a scheme so that he can be excused from the difficult work of rebuilding a marriage. I am afraid that I don't want it anymore. How much can one person go through?
I am back to one minute at a time. At one point I had made it all the way to one week at a time. I am just so exhausted, emotional, weepy and depressed. Please tell me that this will get easier. I am not sure there really is light at the end of the tunnel instead of a 2 x 4 ready to wack me in the head.
