Thanks for the support. Today I just think I am having a really down day. All those "crazy thoughts" keep rearing their ugly head and it is so frustrating.
I am tired of being distrustful, I am tired of being the "strong" one and I am of not letting my true anger out. I am ANGRY!!!! I am angry that I have been put through this. I am angry that all of you have been put through this. I am angry that I didn't have a choice, I am angry that because of the stupid, selfish, narcissistic actions of my H, I will never again have the naive ability to just trust. I hate that I have been reduced to looking through wallets and pockets.
I am a beautiful, accomplished, intellectual women who got dooped! What is wrong with me that I made such a poor choice? The man I had so much respect for, who I thought was so honorable turned out to be nothing but a lying cheat.
But, now that he has learned that the grass isn't greener and that he was lucky to have a woman like me and he came home I should just be greatful. I should be able to just move on and move forward with him. Please, give me a break, I need to take care of me, no one else is going to. I am tired of all the pressure. I just need some space to think.
Its exhausting living with someone you don't trust who crushed me so deeply. I don't know if I have the energy to make it through this. I am so sick of hearing how strong I am. I AM NOT STRONG!!!! I may be a survivor, but I am not strong. Is it really so wrong to want someone to take care of me for a change?
