I am having a really hard day today. My husband brought roses to my office and then proceeded to tell me about how the investigation is going into his fraternization and that anything I may have said when I was upset can be used against him at this point.
What a crappy day. I am so sick of it. I could have been through all of this, why did I let him come home? I am so tired of being in limbo wondering what is going to happen next. What if all this hurt is for nothing? Sometimes I wonder if its just easier to close this chapter of my live and start a new book. Does anyone else out there feel like I do?
I know I should be happy my H brought me flowers, why does it depress me? I said thank you but, I just don't feel like it means that much. Part of the problem is I know all the money H spent on his A. He bought jewelry, clothes, trips you name it. He could lose his job and I would still be responsible for the debt he racked up on her. I don't know maybe I am just freaking out right now.
I am so sick of hearing, he is doing the right thing and that he is home. Well isn't that just great for him, he is doing the right thing, what a sacrifice on his part. Do you ever hear anyone say, wow, you are so incredibly awsome to be able to take H back after he purt your life through hell for the last 18months! Hell no you don't, they say crap like aren't you so glad he is home.
Now with him probably losing his job because of his choices, I wonder what exactly am I getting out of this relationship? Sorry, dont' mind me, I am just a women who has had her reality messed with to many times. I just had to let all that out. It is eating me up inside and I just don't know how much longer I can take it.
