What have you stopped doing for you? WHy do you think you have stopped? Is it a case of sliding back into the old life and old roles because you are back with the same person? Do you feel on some level that H won't LIKE the new you and since you just got him back again you don't really want to drive him away? Are you waiting for answers to all of your questions now...maybe waiting for him to voluntarily put these on the table in front of you (I mean MORE thatn what he has told you already)? Are you just waiting period...waiting for him to change his mind, push you away, go running back to OW, waiting for him to beg at your feet, apologize profusely, express his guilt-ridden soul, tell you all of the gory details?
Don't worry...we all feel a lot of that at this point...find ourselves in a similar sitch as you. After all of the hard work of getting to the reconcilliation point...the reconcilliation and afterwards are almost a let-down. I think a lot of us build ourselves up to some kind of grand affair and what actually happens is very quiet and understated. One day they aren't there( literally or figuratively) and the next their shaving cream is on the bathroom sink again or they actually speak to you while you are in the room together. We run on an emotional and dramatic high the whole time we are striving to reach this point...once it happens then what are we to do with all of that emotion and drama that has been driving us? More often then not we reach a new level of fear and a fair amount of anger and resentment. We start looking back over our shoulder again and think " I did x,y, and z...I MADE myself into a new person...and THIS is all I get??"
We forget the basic steps of db'ing (at least i know I did)and end up falling on our faces...we backslide. It's KNOWING that you are doing it and catching yourself that helps you get further along the road. The R doesn't become easier at this point...heck, it still isn't easy a year down the road ...but it is easier to put all of those things you learned back to work quickly. It is easier to pick yourself back up again and it is easier to recognize when you are screwing up. Personally...i don't think the R ever becomes easy...it always remains a work in progress.
For what it is worth...I have wanted to walk a time or two myself. I get so caught up in the memory of all of my repressed anger and I think it isn't worth it anymore. Despite all of the "good" that has come of my R...sometimes it doesn't seem to be enough for me. So perhaps it is some comfort knowing that you aren't alone in your feelings?
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
...but it is easier to put all of those things you learned back to work quickly. It is easier to pick yourself back up again and it is easier to recognize when you are screwing up. Personally...i don't think the R ever becomes easy...it always remains a work in progress.