This is my first time posting on this Board. I have mostly posted on the Newcomers Board and it helped me a lot. I need help from those of you that have had your spouse return.
Her is my sitch so you have the overall picture as I now know it.
My H moved out on 8-24-04. We had been in C and he had been having an affair. He is a military officer and he was having an affair with an enlisted soldier that worked for him. I know now that they were at a conference, he had to much to drink and it happened. It now makes so much sense to me because I kept saying he went to this confernece and came back a different person.
The Affair continued for quite sometime until he eventually told me about it. When he did he said he wanted to work things out. Well we tried that and he began the affair again. It was like an obssession. I have seen the phone bills. They would call each other 35 times a day.
Anyways, he moved out on 8-24-04. I was devastated. We have been together for 15years and have two beautiful children S7, D3. I had a really hard time at first. This site and the support that I got here from all of you really helped get me through all of this. The funny thing is I started to do really well.
I GAL and ejoyed it. I Lost 20 pounds and look great and feel good about myself. He really noticed and kept telling me that he wanted to come home, and that he needed more time. I finally got to the point where I really just didn't care anymore.
I realized from all of this that I have great friends and a great support system and they were all there for me. He had no one and I thought how sad. I was really starting to do good on my own, actually, I was doing better. I was accomplishing more, I was taking care of me. I was enjoying myself and my children. I had made a New Years Resolution to my self that I was getting of the emotional roller coaster and that it was time to move on.
Everything came to head on New Years Eve and he ended up telling me everything, including that they had been living together and that he had been trying to come home but he was waiting for her to leave for a school, so that she would be gone. For some reason I said. Well if you want to be with me, you have to tell her that tonight in front of me and face whatever the consequences are, no more lying. I really expected him to say no, but he didnt. He said we will go out there together and tell her right now. I want to come home and I don't care if she takes my job. So we did. She has been sort of fatal attractionish since.
That was totally not the outcome I was expecting. He has been home for 20 days now. He is doing really good, seeing a counselor, being very patient and apologetic and attentive. I am not doing so good. I had so prepared to move on and this was so abrupt and I am so confused.
There is so much hurt. The places he took her, the gifts he bought her, the time he spent with her. All of the lying and the secret life, I knew in my heart that I did not want this man back. I didn't know him. The man I married is a loving, attentive, honorable person. Now it appears that person is back and I am very cautious.
How do you get over all of the hurt that is done during that time frame? How do you trust again? How do you feel safe again? I feel so violated, he was the only man I had ever been with and I feel like everything special betweeen us was crushed.
I have so many doubts that I wonder if this is really what I want? Anyways, Thanks for listening, if there is anyone out there with some advice I sure could use it.
