Quote: My first item of business under my new way of life will be to tell my H the following. "I will not have sex with you or commit to continuing in a relationship with you until you make a consistent, serious effort to make me feel like you love me and think I am a beautiful person.". I also need to tell him something like I won't wait around forever for him to do this either. I am 99% certain that this is what I should do. If anybody on the BB thinks this is a bad idea please tell me why.
JJ I think that your decision to become the withholder yourself is a good one but...... I don't think you should bundle so much into the package. You are presenting an end to everything as a threat and he will simply switch into defensive/offensive mode.
Stick with just withholding the sex for a couple weeks. Don't ask for or offer sex of any kind and also do not give in to his overtures for sex. Continue to hug and/or kiss but not in a sexual way. You can also keep meeting his other needs, the only thing absent will be sex and intimacy. If he tries to pressure you, you will have to pull yourself away. Do not make a statement or threat to your H that you are "doing this to him because..." you have to stay quiet about it until he asks. When he finally asks whats going on after a few days simply state "I need romance and intimacy from you in order to return it back". Don't clarify or embellish the statement any further, it stands on its own.
This is how you begin the cycle of detachment. It does not mean that you don't give love and understanding to him, you just withhold the buscuits for a while. This is going to be really tough for you as a physically addicted HD. I suggest you MB if you need a release, but don't hide the fact your meeting your own needs. Don't flaunt it but don't hide it. You could also use your exercise as a release as it would help you feel better about yourself.
