Quote: If I can't be LD for sex, I need to learn how to become LD for a particular sexual relationship if my physical or emotional needs are not being met within it.
Yes! I think you are being too flippant when you designate yourself as HD. I was trying to explain this to Lil, who had a great point when she said that if you don't work this out now, you'll repeat it in some fashion in the next relationship. I am nervous for you because I picture you with some HDM and you are haivng great sex and he's wonderful...until he's not. He starts throwing in disrepectful and hurtful comments, and you stay oblivious to them because the sex is so great. One day you wake up and recognize that he has been putting you down, and you're torn about leaving because the sex is so great.
You have to be able to recognize attacks on your sense of self, jerky behavior and the like and defend yourself. You don't become LD ( which I have done in the past) or stay revved up in your HDness ( which I have also done). You keep intact a healthy sensuality as you confront bad behvior on your partner's part. You come up with a reasonable plan to keep your SL going as you address the issues. If the sex isn't so hot for awhile, so be it. You have your dignity and integrity and move forward from a place of love and commitment.
I feel Barney and Lil both need to get back in the game in a healthy way. JJ, I think you have to really work on the respect and esteem issue. OK, so I am controlling and like telling people what to do but that's because...
