Unfortunately, I think there is probably some truth in what you suggest. However, I would say that in my H's case he uses "detachment" because he generally feels too weak, not in order to give himself some sense of being very powerful. The reason why I think you may be right is that I see my H's LSD as just one part of a general trend in his behavior toward me which I would generally characterize as "emotionally withholding". The most blatant example of this which I have mentioned on the BB is the fact that he wouldn't give me a hug after my father died. Other examples would be not replying when I speak to him, not expressing his love verbally, not returning simple signs of affection like hugs, not wanting to see a movie simply because I indicated that I did want to see it etc. etc.

My H experiences life with a lot of anxiety and discomfort so it is in his interest to have a brave, servile dog-like companion he can count on. Your analogy strikes me as very apt in that one of the main things I used to do that made me feel like I was losing my sense of self in our relationship was I used to "fetch" bottles of beer for him. I knew I would be "punished" if I didn't keep beer stocked in the refridgerator and I hoped I might be "rewarded" if I brought him one along with his dinner which I fixed just to his liking. The other thing that makes me think you might be right is the fact that I am afraid to stop cooking for him. I am afraid to do this even though we've both been talking about divorce. I'm not even sure what I fear will happen if I stop cooking for him.

Another thing that makes me think you might be right is that I feel very free when he's not around, more like I can be myself and do what I want to do.

The final thing that makes me feel like you might be right is the fact that I think if I really controlled my sex drive and made it clear to him that I thought we shouldn't have sex for a while, he would probably throw a fit because he wants to have sex when he wants to have sex.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver