Quote:

BTW- He also told me that I am exacerbating the problem by belonging to this BB because talking about our sex problem probably makes me more HD.




Ok here we go on this one

JJ
I really don't think that your H has revealed everything to you. You may think so and it shows that you want to believe it but as I read your posts I see him simply tring to control you thru various forms of pyschological manipulation.

A form he is definitely using is DETACHTMENT
(Thank-you SD for the word that was at the tip of my tongue)
Detachment is simple to describe and varies incredibly in strengths and usage. It can be as simple as who averts the eyes first when you lock eyes across a room to things like your H seems to be doing to you and then worse(hell, you can even use it when buying a car). It is very difficult for a true HSD to use as a sexual tool and unfortunately they are very easy to be controlled.

Women traditionally have used this in the form of "Playing Hard to Get". If they know a man is interested they will let him get close and then back off leaving him with a desire for more. If you repeat this a few times the desire becomes more intense. Every few times they raise the stakes by letting him get closer still before they back off again.
If this continues without the stakes being raised then he will become bored and the desire will diminish.

A man will happily perform his end of the game called "The Chase" which by the way most men enjoy. They are frustrated by it but they still enjoy it.

While I don't know exactly what benefits your H is getting from this I think some of it could be:
Work only when he feels like it or absolutely needs to
Meals provided as desired
Clothing washed and folded (Does he refold it everytime or only if you begin to show signs of complaining)
Sex whenever, wherever, darn near however he wants
A cool feeling of power as he watches you perform exactly as he planned
A clean house
?????....

Now he has told you that this BB is a problem that must go. His reason for wanting it gone is that you are not acting according to plan after you read answers to your posts. He may have been changing his tactics to accommodate for it but you have been changing faster than he expected. The stakes are getting high and he wants to get back better control.

I don't think your H is evil or inherently mean. He just wants himself to be comfortable and using you is a means to an end. He probably does have a true feeling of love for you. He is definitely doing this with intent because its become alot heavier than simply his nature.

If you agree then you should not confront him directly with this.

Just observe and be aware of what your reactions are.

PS He demanded 20lbs more, you went to the gym and exercised twice as hard. No matter how you reasoned it out in your head you did exactly what he had planned.