As I said a while back it shouldn't have to be THIS hard. Work, yes, but constant struggle with minimal payoff... no. Like Sisyphus pushing the rock up that damned hill. You can't get traction.
I don't know if my bf and I are like you and H or like the NOPs. I don't know if we have enough to sustain us once we take off the masks and lay down the weapons. I've been in enough Rs to know that ALL of them hit a wall of some sort sooner or later. Like NOP says, at that point you either stay and love or go elsewhere and start over. The tricky part is knowing which to do. There's GROWTH to be had on either path, but I also want the path that has some FUN on it.
I remember reading a relationship book years and years ago (I've read 'em all through ALL my Rs) where the husand and wife had all sorts of conflict over all sorts of things. They went to a C who taught them communication skills, and negotiating skills, and goal setting, and methods for affirming each other. They did all these things and the conflicts settled down to a tolerable level. When that happened, they discovered they didn't like each other very much. So they divorced. The guy (who was telling the story) remarried. Someone asked him, do you and your new W have a bunch of conflicts to work through? He said, "He11 no! We just get along!"
One might argue (reasonably so) that he learned many skills in his former R that carried over to the new R. But there are just some people you get along with better than others. Your styles are just more compatible with less work.
Another metaphor springs to mind... that of playing a musical instrument. You can practice and practice and study theory and play the piano flawlessly, but if you are not in love with the instrument, it will show. There's more to success in these matters than technique, and frankly, more than "love" ("whatever that is," to quote Prince Charles-- who by the way, was born one day after me). There's a blend... study, technique, practice, willingness to take risks, then just trusting and letting it fly. In music and in life.
