I have the same sexual "orientation" as you: a higher sex drive than my H and the desire to feel feminine by being aggressively pursued.
I have had to sort out what is "other validation" from H for my sexiness vs. focusing on making intimate connections with the man that I love. I wasn't able to really enjoy laying down with H to enjoy the intimacy of our bodies until I got a hanlde on the other validation.I admit that I do need some of the other validation stuff, as manifested by compliments from H, an aggressive initiation, his being hard, etc. These things turn me on; the amount my H provides of this will always be less than the amount I want. Intellectually, I have had to come up with a reasonable frequency where this need would be met. Part of the reason I have this need is because of past rejection by H, so there is part of me that holds him "responsible." It creats a never-ending cycle...the rejection fuels the need for other-validation.
Right now your H is tearing down your self worth and while he continues to do this all bets are off. You will never get to a place of receiving a decent amt of validation because he wipes it away. The lack of respect has to be addressed first.
Perhaps a separation is what he needs to truly see his destructive patterns. We all need a minimal core of other validation.
