There's at least a faint possibility that once you're not married any more (assuming things go that far) that he will become a lot more HD. Marriage does strange things to people's minds.
When we first went to the C, she told us that one of the principles of the "crucible" approach is that you're stuck in there with no escape, so you HAVE to work things out. For me personally, the prospect of No Escape is NOT motivating. I've been married twice and been in one other live-in R (in that one we did blend our finances and households), and I feel a LOT more motivated in this R, knowing that every day I make a conscious choice to stay and work on it. If we were married... I think I'd feel trapped.
So it's possible that not being married may make him feel like he has the option of choosing to be HD (which, Corri's comments notwithstanding), I believe he can choose to be. When you're married and you're telling him "this is how it has to be" it doesn't always have the desired motivating effect. Just my 2c. This isn't over yet... I was going to say "the fat lady hasn't sung yet," but thought better of it.
BTW regarding attractiveness and its effect on your partner's desire, my BF made the astonishing statement that before the twins were born (they're 16 now), his wife's breasts were beautiful, and after the twins, they became ugly, and it affected their sex life. <sigh>
