I hate to see you hurting, although there's probably nothing that can stop the hurting right now. Even if your H made another "turn-around commitment", how could you trust that it was real?
I understand why you're saying everything that you are, but I'd like to present something for you to consider. There is absolutely no way that you should be feeling like or calling yourself a failure in this! Feeling LD right now is understandable, but you being HD is NOT what has caused this sitch, IMO. You are the same person that you've always been. You're just more aware of who you are now, and a better person for it.
Here are the choices that your H has given you: 1. Aim at an ever changing target to get him to act differently to meet your needs. (IOW, make yourself crazy while getting no results.) 2. Be satisfied that he will never meet (nor show interest in meeting) your needs. (Go LD and like it.) 3. Realize that your other choices are cheeseless tunnels and remove yourself from his control.
I'm the last person alive to favor D, but there are cases where there's nothing else you can do. I think your H has created that situation for you.
You didn't create this, Jen. And it doesn't work well (for long) to deny who you are.
Last week, your H decided what you both were going to do (D). You were able to change that because it pertained to you. This week, though, he's declared what HE will not do. You can't change that. It's his choice, and pertains only to him.
I know this isn't much consolation right now, and you may not even want to think about it. But I do hope you'll store it away for future consideration.
We all admire you for doing the work on yourself that you've done. Please guard yourself from feeling like you've failed. YOU haven't failed. Your H has. Unfortunately, it hurts your whole family.
