Quote:

I am not divorcing him because he is cruel. I am divorcing him because he has revealed himself to be someone with whom I am hopelessly incompatible. I can not love someone who is so superficial and so lacking in imagination and passion.



Well, I do agree that his comments were very superficial, certainly not the comments of a man who's been M to you for...what almost 20yrs??

But I do think they are cruel as well, something along the lines of when my H says 'I'm not saying this because I'm a horrible person, but because you just don't seem to understand how to do ____(fill in the blank ) and I need to teach you.' (yes, those are exact words)

I think the reason you don't see it as cruel is because you've been able to realize it's not about you, but I do agree that enough is enough, and at some point you have to say that's it. I think it's a matter of drawing that line in the sand. You've done it, many times even, but he doesn't seem to get that it's not enough to apologize, ML a few times, and then he's entitled to go back to his old behavior.

I don't have advice...I could use a bit myself. I do think it's a different dynamic than dealing with a S who's willing to work, or at least willing to admit there's a problem. Yes, your H has given lip service to that, but his actions have shown on several occasions that he's not willing to actually do something.

Not really sure if there was any point to this message... Do keep posting? I for one, would like to see how you wrestle with this.