That is so ugly of him. I read a good book a while back called, The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
I can't remember all of it, but I think the advice from the author would have been for you to stand up very straight, and in the exact tone you would use to talk to an errant three year old ( that is what he is acting like) say. "Don't you ever talk to me that way again". DO NOT EXPLAIN, DO NOT ARGUE, or Justify. Do not commment. Just shut up. If he says, what way? You can something like that is disrepectful and you will not talk to me like that.
The point of the book, is that they do know what they are doing and saying( as you notice, he doesn't talk to you like that in front of others. He IS in control. He does know it is mean.
You would have to read all the book to understand, but the most important thing is that you NOT discuss it with him. If he continues, you can just say.."Stop it!, right now", in your best mother irritated with a toddler acting out in public. No explanation is key.
