Quote: Many of us here need to decide whether "willingness" ranks higher on our needs scale than "true desire."
This may be one of those instances when the wide spectrum of what constitutes willingness can be causing some miscommunication. Ranging from the "barely showing up for the event" to being there in a way that "desire" is no longer the criteria because you can't tell the difference anymore.
It seems that the "barely showing up" is what most folks are equating with willing. That's just the first rung on the ladder.
It doesn't have to stay there.
In my opinion, regular sex (even if it's the barely there type) at least has you on the ladder. You build from there.
Unconnecting duty sex is just a big red blinking exclamation point indicating that the relationship is troubled. And perhaps it is all the responsibility of just one spouse. I don't know. It wasn't in our situation. Working with regular sex while working on the relationship gets you up the ladder faster.
What constitutes "true desire"? What does it look like? How is it expressed?
I don't know what HD folks feel. I do know that loving my husband in every way, has meant that between us now there is no discernable difference in actions or behaviors that would reveal which one of us was HD or LD. I think that's what NOP has expressed in his thread about desire.
