I think it has a lot to do with communication, fwiw. Do I think her half-hearted come on lines are bogus? Yeah... but she will continue to do what she does unless Dave calls her on it in an empathetic and compassionate manner.
When H and I were dating, he did all the pursuing. I'm not a pursuer. Yet, when we got married, he now all of the sudden wanted ME to be the one doing the pursuing. Is that a fair expectation? Probably. Did he tell me this was going to be his expectation before we got married? No. Could I accuse him of a bait and switch? Sure.
His whole attitude toward sex changed, and I wasn't all that sure why. It is INTOXICATING all that an HD will do to grab and keep your attention during the dating phase. It all dries up and goes away the instant you say "I do." Just like all of you say that the LD desire dries up and goes away the instant "I do" is uttered.
It is a two-way street.
What we all have come to realize, here, is it doesn't really matter HOW the problem was created... what matters is, both partners acknowledge there is a problem, and what are WE going to do to fix it.
There are a lot of layers to that problem, and the only way I know how to work through the layers is through communication and trust.
