Sometimes I think that single people should come to this site before getting married. They can see all the possible pitfalls, and have backup plans just in case. I think we all got married to our spouses because we were madly in love, and trusted them implicitly. Yet, here we all are, wondering how to keep our M's together, after immense betrayals, forced to compromise our financial wellbeing, involved with people we wouldn't choose now to have as a co-parent of our children.
I, for one, will be working very hard to gain some independence, financial and emotional, even though I intend to stay with my H, if he continues on the road he has now chosen. It's easy for him to now say that he just wasn't himself last year, but what if it happens again. I never want to be put in the position I was in, ever again. I doubt very much that I will ever completely trust him again - perhaps we should never completely trust anyone.
When we walked down that aisle in a daze of happiness and so looking forward to our wonderful future, who among us thought we would be on a bb like this, 'eh? Very few, I would think. I tell my children now, to make sure they have some security, i.e. careers to fall back on, separate bank accounts, always be aware of your finances, never be in debt, etc. (this is wise even if you don't end up in the D courts - one could lose a spouse in other ways too). Do not be dependent on anyone, no matter how much one trusts and loves them. It's just not worth it.
I know I sound very cynical, and maybe I have become so over the years. I used to be one of those super positive people, always looking on the bright side, always feeling that things will work out for the best, and I am still that person in many ways, except I think I have a tinge of reality inserted into my psyche now, and that is for the better. Only I can take care of me, although it is nice to have my H as a companion, but he can't make me happy, or feel secure. So, I study towards a career, start doing some financial planning, thinking about how I can be independent, and yet still be in my M.
Isn't life just so strange!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
