Back on Track

[BeingMe]

The OW (my H had an EA with high school flame) had been living in England with her H and children, and they have now emigrated to Canada and are living in a city close to where we will be moving (I did some investigating to find out where she was before agreeing to go with H). My H says he did not know this (although he did know that they were thinking of emigrating) since he had not been in contact with her since last year August. I'm not sure whether to believe him or not, but this move will prove his trustworthiness and how committed he is to our M. So far, he has been saying and doing the right things. So, we will see.

[BeingMe]

Some musings I have had today.

Sometimes I think that single people should come to this site before getting married. They can see all the possible pitfalls, and have backup plans just in case. I think we all got married to our spouses because we were madly in love, and trusted them implicitly. Yet, here we all are, wondering how to keep our M's together, after immense betrayals, forced to compromise our financial wellbeing, involved with people we wouldn't choose now to have as a co-parent of our children.

I, for one, will be working very hard to gain some independence, financial and emotional, even though I intend to stay with my H, if he continues on the road he has now chosen. It's easy for him to now say that he just wasn't himself last year, but what if it happens again. I never want to be put in the position I was in, ever again. I doubt very much that I will ever completely trust him again - perhaps we should never completely trust anyone.

When we walked down that aisle in a daze of happiness and so looking forward to our wonderful future, who among us thought we would be on a bb like this, 'eh? Very few, I would think. I tell my children now, to make sure they have some security, i.e. careers to fall back on, separate bank accounts, always be aware of your finances, never be in debt, etc. (this is wise even if you don't end up in the D courts - one could lose a spouse in other ways too). Do not be dependent on anyone, no matter how much one trusts and loves them. It's just not worth it.

I know I sound very cynical, and maybe I have become so over the years. I used to be one of those super positive people, always looking on the bright side, always feeling that things will work out for the best, and I am still that person in many ways, except I think I have a tinge of reality inserted into my psyche now, and that is for the better. Only I can take care of me, although it is nice to have my H as a companion, but he can't make me happy, or feel secure. So, I study towards a career, start doing some financial planning, thinking about how I can be independent, and yet still be in my M.

Isn't life just so strange!

[BeingMe]

Glad to report that things are still going well between H and I. Had a bit of a tiff with D17, and felt rather bad afterward - I had a total tantrum. I must not let the children get to me like that - I need to have more self control. I guess it's all the stress of getting the house ready for selling, starting to pack, the twins SD17 upcoming birthday and graduation (darn, it's expensive), trying to keep the house tidy for potential buyers, etc. etc. Just a stressful time right now. Thankfully, I finish work at the end of May, and will have the whole of June to plan and get ready. We leave on July 1, and hope to be in our own house by August, if we find one.

[Phoenix_spark]

Good luck on the house hunting and the self control. Things are going nutty here also but don't have time for details. Have a good weekend.

[BeingMe]

Phoenix, I have caught up on your sitch. It sounds like you want to do a bit of LRT'ing, 'eh!? Well, I must say that it helped me - once I had stated, seriously and with commitment, that I was moving on, my H seemed to finally see what he was giving up. He tells me now that he is awake now - totally weird. I still sit and wonder what happened with him, internally, to change his mind. Who knows! I know a lot of wonderful people were praying for us. I am still feeling humbled and astounded and sometimes a little disbelieving, but that is slowly diminishing.

Anyway, my H has been very supportive with my stress about moving, so I can only go by his actions, and it's all good right now. I'm not going to be so arrogant to think that it will be perfect forever, but I think our R will be vastly improved compared to how it was before B1.

[Phoenix_spark]

Good to hear from you. Feel free to throw in pointers. Good luck on the move. It's good to hear you enjoying life again.

[Phoenix_spark]

^^^bump^^^

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the bump, Phoenix!

Things have been very busy, getting the house ready to sell, and we still have to find a new house in the new city. Oy!

At the moment, I am feeling somewhat stressed. I try not to think of OW being in closer proximity when we move, but it is hard. I still don't trust my H completely. He is doing and saying the right things, but I still wonder. It all seems too perfect - like there's an ambush waiting. I have not been sleeping well lately, either, so that makes me grumpy and in a more negative mood. I guess I just have to allow things to happen and go along with the flow. My M is much better now, but it doesn't need all this stress. Sigh!

I hope I'll be in a better mood this weekend.

[Phoenix_spark]

Unfortunately I'm facing some of the same problems you are. Outer signs seem to indicate success, where other signs seem to indicate something waiting to jump out and bite. For now I just have to go along for the ride and do what I can about myself. Good luck on the house hunting.

[BeingMe]

I have come to the conclusion that it is never over - the pain and hurt and betrayals. I just found the OW's phone number on my H's cell phone (her new cell phone number in the city she has just moved to from England). He swore that he did not know she was in the city close to where we are moving, and that it had been over since August - all lies. Now he swears that he ended it a couple of months ago, on his own, that he realised he had been a fool, and that he always loved me. I don't believe anything he says anymore. He has changed his email address and cellphone number, but it proves nothing. I phoned the number of OW and asked her when she last spoke to my H, and she said August last year, which proves to me that he even planned for the possibility that I would phone her. So, it's all lies. Everything! Again. I cannot do this anymore. He is crying, and begging me to reconsider, but I cannot take it anymore. The only way this is going to be over is when I end it. I need a man who is my protector, who I can trust with the truth always, who is on my side, and puts me first, as I would do for him. I have no respect or trust for my H anymore. I love him, but that is just not enough. I will go with to the new city, so my children can be near their father, but then it's time to move on alone. He can have the OW, and hope he finds happiness with her, even though he says he doesn't want her. Yeah, right! Like I believe anything he has to say.