Quote: When I think of moving to another city, where I don't know anyone, having to rely on my H for support (emotional and financial), and still have to deal with the fact that I don't trust him completely, I get absolutely terrified.....I know I have to give this M one more chance, but I am taking a huge risk moving all that way. I'm just not sure I am doing the right thing.
I don't have any advice to offer, but I wanted to let you know that I totally understand where you're coming from.
My H always talked pre-bomb about moving to Arizona. At first, I was considering it, but the more I thought about it, I didn't want to. We have sooo many ties here. Family, friends, great neighbors, etc, etc.
One issue in my sitch is that H perceives me as controlling, so the moving thing fits in there since I wasn't really for it.
Now that I have this insight (H seeing me as controlling), I have been thinking and wanting to do more for H. Well, he is bringing up the subject of moving there again. So I figure, ok, we can go check things out and if I like what I see, then why not?......Oh yeah! Now I remember. We won't have any family or friends nearby, the kids will have to adjust to a new school, and H will be the only one there in AZ for me. What if things don't work out or begin to fall apart again between H and me? I will have moved all that way, and I will be all alone.
Yes indeed. Very scary thoughts.
I think my H believes that a change of scenery will help the healing process. He has told me that he feels like he messed up everything here so badly. H said he thinks we could be very happy in AZ.
Well, I don't think it will happen anytime soon. One thing is for sure: my M will have to be a WHOLE LOT stronger before I take that kind of chance. I will have to be able to trust H again completely before making a BIG move like that.
Again, I just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel.
JV
BTW, sorry for the rambling!
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Well, we leave tonight! I am terrified! I hope this isn't a way to get to OW! I hope he's telling me the truth. I am going to try and see it in the light that if he's lying, I can still walk away. I wish I could trust my H, but I couldn't even when he swore on the bible last night that he would not let me down again, and that he will be there for me forever, even after we die. Phoenix, you would know what he means. I just keep seeing the emails I read, and it seemed like he despised me. And, then the lies. I have to find a way to get over this. When I felt I was moving on alone, I was able to put all that out of my mind, but now that he's wanting to stay together, all I can think of is that OW, and all the things my stranger H said to her. How does one get all that out of one's mind?
At any rate, please everyone, think of me this weekend. Phoenix, send up a prayer for me, please. I am going to need it.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Quote: .... I just keep seeing the emails I read, and it seemed like he despised me. And, then the lies. I have to find a way to get over this.... How does one get all that out of one's mind?
If you find the answer to that question, will you please be sure to let me know?
There weren't any emails in my sitch, but there WERE too many lies.
I know how you feel. My H has said things to me in the heat of an argument many times that made me feel like he really HATED me and hated being with me. H has apologized for saying such things and knew he was way out of line, but the pain is still there. If our R lasts, I don't know how I'm going to rid my head and my heart of those words that I can just hear and feel over and over again....I, too, will have to find some way.
I hope your weekend and your move is going smoothly.
Thinking of you...
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Hopefully the weekend went well for you. I am on and off the board, just not posting. This weekend was double whammy, both aniversary and mother's day. I think both went well. Like yourself, forgiveness and trust seem to be a huge obsticale for me. I know what I need to do, but doing it, exercising faith, when it has been betrayed before and commitment to change does not seem forthcoming from spouse, is quite a mountain to climb.
That said, I do start feeling love for her re-developing and as I have said she does seem to be trying. For now I just count my blessings and keep DBing the best I can. I sure wish I had this info last time, I wouldn't be here right now. Hopefully these positive changes will make sure I don't do a return visit. Anyhow I see lights on the horizon. Count my blessings and watch for tomorrow.
Thanks for dropping in, Phoenix. Yes, the weekend went very well. I tried to focus on us, and spending fun time together. At the moment, I don't feel panicky and overwhelmed by everything that's happened, as I did at the beginning of the year. I told H that I will move to the new city, but he will have to convince D12 and S17, and there were other criteria which I mentioned to him. He has been offered the job, but is now backing away because he feels it's causing too much anxiety.
So! Who knows what's going to happen, but whatever does happen, I will be able to deal with it.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
H has accepted the job offer, so we will be moving to the other city, 12 hours away from here, hopefully only by the end of June or July. I am going to miss my friends and the one family member I have here. I am still very nervous about being so close to OW, but H has agreed to all my conditions, so I will just walk away if he betrays me again. There will be no going back next time, if it happens again. I hope we can find a good counsellor in the area, because that was one of my conditions of going with. I can't see us doing this without MC.
Anyway, hope you're all doing well!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Good luck with that move... and guess what... i am thinking how to introduce my h that common C for both too... right now he is going to his same C (or at least i think he is still going although i had noted some changes in directions or acttidude)and in the past he said he think he needs first to clarify what he feels and wants and then, he can accept going together Being me, why are you so afraid about OW?... did she live near the place you are going to live? it seems i missed that part.... Andrea
