Back on Track

[BeingMe]

I don't know, Phoenix. I am so confused. I was ready, willing, and able to move on, and now this. So, I did some digging for info, and found out that the OW and her family are now living in Canada, and possibly in or near the city my H wants us all to move to. I confronted him with this information, and he denied that he knew. I will not believe a word of what he says now, unless I can verify or he can prove it. Too many lies later, and I have learned a huge lesson. However, I will be truthful, not hide stuff that I know, and he can play whatever cards he wants. We will discuss all this tonight. I told him that now is the time to tell the truth, if there ever was a time to do so (and the time for truth is always) - it was now. Because, if I find out differently, I will never wish to speak to him as a friend again. He must then leave, and I will not even consider any kind of R, other than as co-parent and then there will be very little contact, if I can help it. Anyway, that's the sitch as it stands now. I doubt very much whether we can move forward - it seems the nature of his parents, and the bad example they set (both had affairs, and his mother left to live with someone else when H was 12), plus the extremely strong influence of a first-love, is impossible for him to overcome. Even if he has ended the A, I doubt if it will be his last. So be it!

At fast and testimony meeting last Sunday, one of the brethren stood up to give his testimony, and ended with saying how much he loved his wife, and that he looked forward to crossing through the veil, and confirming what he believes, and that is that they loved each other even before coming to earth. It brought tears to my eyes, and that seldom happens. This is how I felt about my H, but it seems I was just a practice run. He has no deep feelings for me, despite our years together. He has seldom even tried to impart to me how special I might be to him, celebrated events with me and made those times special. It's always me, and then I find out how other men have done things that he should've. I put it down to his family life growing up, but I just think he is oblivious to any real feeling unless it's fantasy. Although, who knows, maybe this woman is the one who he was meant to be with, but I can't see how God would bring us together, spend 20 years as a couple, have children, only to then bring him and OW together as it was "meant" to be. I just don't think God works like that, but that is what H initially thought - he said it was like a sign when OW contacted him the first time, because he was so unhappy.

Enough rambling! Must get back to work! Will update tomorrow, what happens tonight.