Back on Track

[BethJ]

Hi, BeingMe! I wanted to respond to your posts, just finished reading this whole thread and I can feel everything you are going through. I am having many of the same emotions as well. I keep trying to get him to give me something positive and tangible to hold onto, then when he doesn't I talk about separating. I know I feel better when he is not around, not so agitated, KWIM? But I also know that deep down, if all he were to do is start sweeping me off my feet, I would no longer want the separation. I am wondering if it is possible you have convinced yourself this is for the best, and that it is what you truly want, but deep down if you still have dreams of everything working out. The beginning of your posts was January and in 3 short months, you went from being commited to your marriage to getting a divorce, with no significant changes (bad ones) precipitating this.

Here I am trying to convince you to really rethink this, to pray like crazy and to not give up, when I am going through the exact same emotions. It is easy to see someone else's sitch clearly but difficult to detatch from your own and to keep focused on the positive.

Today I am fasting and trying to remember to pray every hour for my husband. I have done this before and ususally see some sort of breakthrough, although not as big as I would like. I only mention this because you mentioned your faith and getting away from it, and I read somewhere that if you are not seeing results from prayer either you haven't been praying long enough or God is answering in a different way than you expected. My Mom recently said to me that I must not be praying for H anymore because I sound so angry and like I no longer care. I denied it but it got me thinking, my prayers about H had become more like little demands, not heartfelt or really praying along God's will.

Sorry to keep rambling but I feel your pain, even though you seem to be trying to be upbeat about your future. It is the same thing I go through everyday. Like if he doesn't do XYZ tonight when he gets home, I am seriously thinking of moving out this weekend (which I told him last night). It is so hard when it feels like they really don't care. Where is my love letter on the counter this morning after our heart-to-heart last night?!! Ha, I knew there wouldn't be one but foolishly hoped anyway.

I know I am in dangerous territory bringing up separation all the time, because soon he will start to get used to the idea as well. I wonder if that is what happened with you? Please pray about it, give it some serious thought and as others have said, try to focus on his actions and not his words or what you are wishing he would say or do. Life is so hard. Marriage is extremely hard, but God wants our marriages to endure.