Back on Track

[slowly]

Hi BeingMe - I'm sorry to hear about your friend; you are so right in that these kinds of developments help us gain perspective.

Tell us about your new car - sounds liberating!

Slowly

[andrea]

Hi being me... its sad to knows about your friend cancer but at the same times its happy to feel you so secure and pride about yourself.. i am sure you will be a great help to your friend and your children in the future....
Good luck with house prize...
Andrea

[BeingMe]

The car is still at the dealer because it had a chip on the windshield, so they are replacing it. And, it's a NEW car! I should have it at home tonight!

Anyway, got some work to catch up on, so will post again later.

[Phoenix_spark]

I assume no news is good news. Are you out cruising in the new ride? Enjoy!

[BeingMe]

Yeah, we got the car yesterday. It's really cute - I have named her Bluebelle, and it's an electric blue. It's a Hyunda Elantra 2.0 liter, standard gearbox. This will probably be my car for the next 10 years. I get somewhat attached to my cars, and am already missing my poor ol' van - it has transported us from St. Louis to Canada, and on many long trips. But, change happens, as we all know on this bb, and it was a reminder of good days, so in a way, I'm glad it's gone. Time for new memories and new trips.

In the "hearth and home" department - my H is going for an interview in Vancouver next week. Initially, I had told him that D12 and I would move to Vancouver too, if he took the job (so D12 can be close to H). However, I have reflected some more, and decided that I will remain where I am - H has to decide if he wants to be close to D12 or not. D12 asked that she stay in her school and in the area we live, close to her friends, and I feel that she needs that stability, even though her family is falling apart. She seems pretty strong right now, but who knows how things will go once we move, and H goes and lives elsewhere.

I told my H that I would move and live anywhere with a committed H, but not go anywhere for an XH. Ha! Don't know how he took it. He is very good at hiding his feelings, and is an excellent liar, so I never really know where I stand. I think not having to deal with that, is going to be an enormous relief.

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend! The weather here looks like its going to be sunny and warm. Yeah!

[BeingMe]

And so, the merry-go-round continues ......

H has now decided that we should keep the house for another year, update it more, and save the $12,000 + fee to the agent. Oy! I am happy for D12 who didn't want to move (which is why I agreed with him), but I was looking forward to getting on with my life. H is making me crazy! He can't make a decision and stick to it, and keeps changing his mind.

I told him on Friday night that I think it's time for him to move out of our room, since we are going to S and finally D. We ML the next morning, and he has been sleeping in the spare room since Saturday night. I spoke to him Sunday morning, and somehow the convo came around to being my choice that he's sleeping in a separate room. I told him, "No, H, it's your choice, since you are the one who wants the D". I also told him that he may've been the one who instigated the D talk - I, however, also want it now.

H really is driving me up the wall. I wonder what else is going to change. I told him that he should tell D12 that we are staying which he did, and she is very happy.

[slowly]

Hi BeingMe - Perhaps he has changed his mind about the D but is too rproud to say so, especially if you are insisting on one

Slowly

[BeingMe]

I doubt it, Slowly. Although, who knows. I am done, but still have to rely on H financially, so what can I do, but stay in the house with him and children until we sell it next year.

Last night I read an article on people who regain contact with old sweethearts (usually from school) and the feelings it re-ignites in them is almost euphoric, and they are above-normal happy with each other. Apparently, even if your M is strong, this kind of connection is very likely to lead to an affair. What little research has been done, seems to indicate that if a marriage results from their affair, it has a 72% chance of surviving. So, what hope does the LBS have? Not much! I have felt like it was bashing my head against a wall with my H since this woman came back into his life (they knew each other in high school, but only went on one date - my H was shy, but always fantasized about her throughout high school). One man who was interviewed, even said that as much as he cares for his wife, it feels like she was just an interruption until he was reunited with his high school sweetheart. This, after 28 years of marriage. WTF! This is exactly how I felt when my H and OW were talking about how they wished they had had children together, and had married, etc. Wishing our life together and our children away. What am I then? Just the practice run! I cried all night last night, realising that I had wasted 20 years of my life on someone who is this fickle and shallow. He now wants to be friends. Ha! That's what you say to someone you've been dating for a little time, not to someone you've been married to for 20 years! He's bloody crazy! And, I hope he doesn't think that I will have anything to do with his virtual slut.

But, I will get over this, and move on with my life, and I will live it well. I choose this! I will not allow them to ruin me. I will get a career, meet someone else who truly love me (perhaps in time), experience new things, meet and make lots of new friends, and enjoy my children.

[slowly]

(((((BeingMe)))))

I'm glad you have found a place of strength to rebuild your life. Courage, dear lady.

No doubt he will be changing his mind on many things between now and the time when the house will be sold - do you have a set of escape plans, even if just for a while, when his behaviour gets particularly vexing?

Slowly

[BeingMe]

I can always get into my car and go for a drive. I have a niece who lives nearby, but we do not live in my country of origin, so family and old friends are far, far away. I do have some friends, but not close enough yet to just go and drop in on a whim. Ah well! I suppose I will just have to withdraw to my room and a good book.

I am feeling so frustrated at the moment because I had planned my life in the event of our separating now, and selling the house now. And, I find I have to rethink a whole lot of things. Oy!