Back on Track

[BeingMe]

Journalling, although comments are always welcome!

So, another weekend rolls around! I have to go find some boxes, and start the packing this weekend. I hate packing! I hate moving! Phew, that outburst made me feel better!

I am feeling more and more detached from my H. He is still affectionate (to a degree), cuddles at night, even offered to rub my back when it was sore this week, chat a lot, and phones me everyday (in the a.m. to make sure I'm up and after lunch to see how things are). Weird! But, I feel myself moving away from him, emotionally. I have lost a lot of respect for him, and, of course, there's the trust thing. He says there is no-one else (yet, is what he said), but I don't believe him, at all. He says he will get a place close by, to be available for the children, but I don't believe him. His mother said the same thing when she left his father, and ended up moving to another country for 2 years. He has not had very good parental examples, so I don't hold out very much hope of us ever reconciling, and that's fine with me. I just wish he could see that he is repeating the same mistakes his parents made, but I guess he needs to knock his own head before that realization is going to come into it. (Does that make sense?)

I am standing on the brink of single parenthood again, and of just being single again. The thought both scares me and intrigues me at the same time. What things could I do that H didn't enjoy? For instance, I've always wanted to learn to line dance, but H hates country music so never wanted to give it a go. Perhaps I could sign up for some classes. I may meet new people and make new friends. Who knows how exciting the future could be. I also enjoy astronomy so may join the local club. I am thinking of taking a martial art like Karate or Jiu-Jitsu. I got to brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu in my teens then gave it up, but I have since done several Tai-Chi classes which I may start again, but I want something with more action, so Karate may be a good form to try. And, this is one of my goals that I want to pay attention to - meeting new people with similar interests, especially singles since most of my friends now are married (men and women for possible friendships - it'll be a long time before I'll be ready for a romantic R). I am still applying at the local college to get into the personal fitness training certificate. A whole new career! I hope I get in - it will be so exciting! And, I'll be meeting lots of new people.

Anyway, enough of my ranting. Hope you all have positive weekends!