Back on Track

[BeingMe]

Some more thoughts on my sitch! I have drawn up an informal pre-separation agreement for my H to sign. He keeps changing his mind about things, and forgetting what has been said, even changing our history in many ways, like him saying I pressured him into saying he loves me and committing to the marriage, when I was the one stepping away, saying I wasn't sure anymore. Oy! I must look up my old posts so that I can show him.

I am posting this to show how serious I am about this S, and how much I do not trust my H. He waffles from one decision to another, from one truism to another, and is driving me insane. I never know if he means what he says, so I have already told him that I want what he promises written down, and signed by him, so that he can't come back later and say that he didn't mean it, or doesn't remember promising it. Or whatever. I plan on giving this to him tonight. What do y'all think?

Anyway, here is what the agreement says:

(H and BM signing at bottom will signify their concurrence and promise to honour this agreement)

The following is what H has promised BM:
• Pay for BM’s studies, and any other courses that will enhance her studies, and career choice, until the divorce is final.
• Remain together in the marital home until sold in the summer 2006 (this will save some money that would be spent on separate accommodation and living expenses for H).
• H to support the family until then – BM may have to work half-day while studying full time, from September 2005.
• H to buy a reliable car for BM – his idea (he will be responsible for the payments until BM can afford to take them over).
• Once the house is sold, the profit made will go toward paying for the Scotia Card debt, and what is left will go as down payment on a smaller house for BM and the children to live in. It will be on BM’s name, and she will be responsible for the monthly mortgage payments. All other credit card and revolving credit debts will be H’s responsibility. Other debts, like BM’s Sears Card and gym membership, will be her responsibility.

BM would also like:
• To remain on H’s medical aid until the divorce is final.
• Would prefer the official separation to take place once the house is sold. Or, once it is sold, the separation can be back-dated which should hasten the divorce, if this is what H would prefer, and if this is possible legally.
• To be officially named as partner (or an officer) in the business, XXX, and draw a salary when funds are available. BM would also like to have signing powers on all cheques, and access to the bank account. BM would still bring in business such as websites, etc., and do whatever graphic design or administrative work required of her.
• Once physically separated (both have moved out of the house), BM would like there to be as little disruption for D12 or the D17/S17, so would need to take the bulk of the furniture and other household goods, but would not like H to go without, so would ensure that he takes as much as what is needed to furnish an apartment comfortably.
• For H to have easy access to D12 (once the house is sold), but that there should be certain boundaries, which can be discussed at a later date.
• Both to remain faithful to the marital vows (physically and emotionally) while living in the same house.
• To make this transition as amicable as possible, and that D12 and BM will not be left destitute, and living under difficult circumstances. We are still H’s family, and he has promised that he will not let us down.
• To negotiate maintenance/support for BM and D12 (the twins, Lindsay and Andrew, will be 18 years old in May, so will not require support unless H wishes to continue that while they are studying), and miscellaneous extras for D12, such as camps, school fees, and so forth. Negotiate BM’s share in insurance policies, and any pensions paid out at H's retirement. All other negotiations will be for the final divorce settlement, after one year of separation.

I agree:
Signed: