Back on Track

[BeingMe]

I think you are right, CNJ! I should take it slowly. I had a complete meltdown this weekend. Couldn't stop crying and was almost hysterical. What H doesn't realise (and I have now told him) is that the things he said about me to the OW, has become the little voice in my head telling me I'm no good, etc., and that I need him to tell me the reverse constantly in order to help overcome the negatives. But, you know, ultimately, I need to shut that little voice up, and tell it to get lost, myself. I am just so emotional now, because he has rejected my advance so many times this last couple of months, that I feel he is hiding things from me. I am becoming paranoid, and I hate myself for it. I have even started questioning my faith, stopped praying, and lost hope. I feel I have fallen into a hole, and no matter how much I express to him my needs, he just ignores them, or says he is trying. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It's probably time - AGAIN - to focus on myself. I don't believe my M is going to survive. I have lost all faith in miracles. He just doesn't get it. Or, maybe I don't. Either way, we seem to be misunderstanding each other, and just not hearing what our needs are. I just cannot take much more of the pain.

We'll see how the next week goes, but I feel like I'm in crisis mode.

Thanks for caring, y'all.