Back on Track

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I really appreciate all your feedback.

I don't think H is trying to force me to leave. He still values our friendship, at least he says he does. He will support me and our children - if he doesn't, then there are laws that will force him to, but I doubt that he is a deadbeat dad - he adores the children. I just think he is too scared to truly re-commit to our M, and still hankers after the OW. I still think he is hiding stuff from me, and I just don't feel respected, loved and protected within this M.

I am done! I have told him that I want to start the separation process. It's going to be difficult because our lives are so intertwined - our bank accounts are shared, our home, etc. I know I should give him the gift of patience, but I don't know if I love him that much anymore. He has caused me too much pain - not just with the EA, but throughout our M, although we had good times too, but this is the last straw.

He says he is trying, but I don't care anymore. He is not DOING! I just want to get on with my life. To feel free of this burden of mistrust and hurt. I have forgiven him so many things, so many times (although, I do realise I am not perfect, and that I played a part in our marital mess). I just don't have any fight left in me to work on this M. I have given it all, and he says he has too in the past, so this is it, I guess. Unless there is a miracle, but I'm even starting to doubt the validity of a supreme being and the answer to prayers. I feel beaten and a failure. So, I need to re-discover my old self. Get back my confidence, discover my talents, and so on. Back to GAL (thank goodness, I had started implementing this about 2 years ago, before all this garbage hit the fan, so I have somewhat of a foundation to work on). I will make goals that focus on me and my children. So, this next week, I have a lot of thinking to do. And planning. Wish me luck!

I will continue posting here since I get so much out of it, and really love to hear how everyone else is doing. And, I guess I will be piecing my life back together.