Back on Track

[BeingMe]

Thanks for thinking of me, Slowly. This last week has been quite stressful one. Started off, falling down the stairs at home. I got rather bruised, and had an awful headache on the Monday, so stayed home from work. Spent 2 hours in the dentist's chair on Tuesday. And the week just went downhill from there. Marriage-wise, it's up-and-down, but mostly I feel we are stuck. I tell him what I want, and H pretty much ignores it. So, I feel we are going down the same old road. ~sigh~

We had a fairly good weekend, but on Sunday I pretty much freaked, in a low-level way (if that's possible). I told H that if he wasn't going to put more effort into our R, if he was going to ignore my needs and wants, if he didn't try and reassure me that I am safe with him, then I think we should start the separation process. I am just really, really tired of this merry-go-round. He did suggest that he move out, and we start over again, but I feel that if he does that, then it's a cop-out, and I just don't want to go through all that again. What do y'all think? I guess I just don't trust him, and I told him that. I also said that I see no evidence of him even trying to find a way to get me to trust him. He says he's afraid we'll go back to the way it was (when it was bad). I said we will if he continues the way he is. A lot of 'he said' and 'I saids', and I don't know if we came to any conclusion. All I know, is that I'm getting frustrated, and starting to wonder what single life is like.

So, here we are! I wait for him to respond. I am feeling a little depressed. Not just because of my M, but also feel I am stuck in a nowhere job, and just don't know what to do about it.

Today, my H starts a new job which he is nervous and excited about at the same time. I am happy for him, and hope that this will bring some new interest to his life.