Back on Track

[BeingMe]

AKgal, I have tried something similar, but he kinda ignored it. It's not that he doesn't want sex, he just won't ML - the way a man in love should. He still won't kiss me properly, and comes up with lame excuses. He thinks pecking me on the lips and hugging me when saying hullo and goodbye, and cuddling when we go to bed is romantic. And then, when he wants sex, then it's just that, and although I like it that way sometimes, I would mostly prefer it the romantic way, even if only in the beginning. Maybe, I'm just too sensitive. We seem to be heading in the same direction we went 2 years ago, where he takes me for granted, expects me to make changes in the R, whereas he thinks he's doing fine, when he's not. And, I just withdraw because when I tell him what my needs and wants are, he ignores them. Or, he shows his love the way he wants.

The positives are that I can see he is trying, but I could see that 2 years ago. He is trying, and not doing, though. So, I am getting really frustrated. He does talk to me a lot more about what he does at work, and other things. He also says ILY often - most everyday, but I want the action to come with the words.

I don't know what to do to move this R along. I am trying to continue to work on me. I go to the gym fairly regularly, I have signed up for a Creative Writing course, and some art workshops. I try and read, and do some website creating stuff. But, I just feel very insecure in the M, and he just doesn't seem to have the wherewithal to help me feel reassured. He seems to just want me to forget the EA, and move on, but it's just not that easy to build up the trust, especially if he is holding back himself.

Maybe I'm just getting impatient, but I am starting to feel that there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm too fat, too old, unattractive, maybe I have bad breath, or my teeth aren't pretty enough, or, or, or. But, other men notice me, so I can't be all that bad.

Maybe this is normal, and sometimes I feel I can believe him when he says he is not in contact with OW, and that's when I panic.