Quote: - and I guess I'd better take my own advice and buy him one of those artificial dawn alarm clocks
It's always hard to take our own advice, hah!
Ellie, did you say your H was a gynaecologist or obstetrician? I don't suppose you would be into the idea of swapping roles - you go back to GP practice and he spends more time at home with the kids and all that? I don't suppose that's what he's hankering after, LOL!
Just a thought. Could he combine home stuff with some other dream of his?
Livnlearn.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Oh, LNL, that IS what he wants - he thinks. Years ago, when the kids were quite little and I worked part-time, we used to say when they were teens I would go to full time and he would go to part-time.
But now - between my terrible bout with my thyroid disease (I had to quit work because it was making me too spacey and I was afraid i would start making mistakes in the busy urgent-care practice where I worked) - followed by H's infidelity and then my D's eating disorder (which required me to be home to monitor her 24/7) and now her home-schooling - I've been out of practice now for several years. And I must say, I really don't think I want to go back to ordinary clinical practice - this is why I am trying to figure out a way to make this medical coaching idea work.
It really wouldn't be practical for us to just switch roles - for one thing, he now earns twice what I could ever possibly earn (and he isn't particularly inclined to downsize his lifestyle at this point. Not that he's extravagant, but he likes to take exotic vacations, and live near the beach, which is very expensive, and I just know he doesn't like penny-pinching). And I'd be unlikely to get a job with the same benefits and liberal vacation time that H has. In fact, he always complained about my job when I had it!
Plus, frankly, as much as he gripes about his work sometimes, he does thrive on many aspects of it. He's a national figure in his subspecialty, and that matters to him. And he's the kind of guy who has to always be working on something. I'm sure he'll wear me out in retirement with his projects!
Anyway, I DO want to find a way to get back to working part-time - in part to take the burden off of him (although we live nicely on his income, and if he'd cut back his midlife spending a little, we'd be saving more). And in part because, even though things are good with us now, I do fear the possibility of him succumbing to his depression in some way again in the future - not necessarily an affair, but some other kind of crisis - and I'd like to feel prepared.
But anything i do has to fit within such tight boundaries - being able to supervise my D, not impinging on time with H when he's off, leaving me still free to travel and vacation with H and family, leaving me with enough time and energy to still run the home. It's a puzzle.
Did anybody here happen to see Oprah last Monday? I don't usually get to watch it, but I saw a little bit of the beginning and taped it to watch later.
It was a show about looking 10 years younger. Had a few fabulous women who looked awesome in their 40s and 50s (check out the pictures on the website) and some women who had really transformed themselves. One woman really touched me. She had been kind of frumpy - not bad, just in a middle-aged looking way. Then her husband cheated on her and they got divorced. She set about to improve herself - minor weight loss (17 lbs.), new hairstyle and color, contact lenses, new makeup - mostly a new attitude. Now she looks like a model.
Just a reminder to all of us. Being the best WE can be is a very good DB technique. And it's fun!
So check out those inspiring pictures on Oprah.com . And give some thought to sprucing yourself up
Me - I've done the treadmill every day this week, and am managing to avoid wheat 90% of the time, which is making my appetite more manageable.
Actually men don't age like women so it would not make a very interesting story and the media does not make men think they need to look young - again, not an interesting story.
Thanks for the link to the Oprah show. Coincidentally I was talking w/my sister in Chicago and she mentioned the same show. She said that one of Oprah's tough rules for loosing weight is no alcohol. I would tend to agree...
We talked more...She noted how much exercise these women do to stay in shape. I told sis that when I was in my prime (35 lb "bomb diet" and yoga 4-6 times a week) I was exercising that much. Sis's H is skinny as a rail, works out 5-6 times a week and doesn't drink. We laughed about how BIL does all the work and is in such good shape.
One good thing is that I have been inspired to go back up to the 5 hours of exercise a week as a goal. I have 2 hours so far,...For me the key thing to do for myself is exercise. If I work out (or yoga) it improves my mood, my eating and drinking habits, everything! Just got to stay on board!
I will have to read the OCD book. After seeing "Aviator" and reading David Sedaris "Naked”, I am sure my mom has OCD. We have joked for years about her "Howard Hughes-like" behavior, but for some reason I never really saw it until now. Though I did always instinctively know something was "odd" about mom.
Another great book about a slightly different but related subject is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon. It is written from the POV of a kid with Aspergers Syndrome.
I hope your home school experience is going well and is fulfilling! Your H reminds me a little of my H in the workaholic aspects... One funny thing my H did to help this was: He wrote the word " NO" on a 3x5 card and kept it in his shirt pocket for a while. When people would ask him if he could (fill in the blank...be on a committee, run a fundraiser, whatever) He would say, "Let me check my planner" and then pull the card out of his shirt pocket.
I thought that was a pretty good way to just slow down the automatic yes response!
Take care with those kids and H, Ellie! Hope you are staying dry and safe!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I used to tell my H - "repeat after me: Just Say No".
I remember reading good reviews of the Haddon book, I'll have to get it.
The book that gave me the most insight into OCD is called the Boy Who Wouldn't Stop Washing by Rappaport. The book by Emily Colas is entertaining, but less educational.
I think I found her, BTW - tracked down her ex-H, anyway - and I'm thinking of sending her an email through him.
I'm with you on the exercise - I hate to admit it, but it DOES take at least 5 hours a week! And I have a tough time putting myself first, so I start the day with the best of intentions, then let other things get in the way. I would do my treadmill when I first get up but it is noisy and would wake my H (who has sleep problems) - so I guess i just really need to discipline myself to do it first thing after everyone os off to school (except D14), regardless of how many other things are clamoring for my attention.
