Hi all - well, I did a 180 for Valentine's Day this year.
A little history: My H is usually a pretty romantic guy. Has given me plenty of romantic gifts over the years. (I'm wearing his Xmas present, a gold Hawaiian bracelet that says "sweetheart" in Hawaiian). But Valentine's Day was never his "thing". It was "too commercial" or whatever.
Oh, I might get a card, or sometimes he might bring home flowers, but there was never really much put into it.
I still have an awful memory of sitting in the marriage counselor's on Valentine's Day, waiting for H who was late for our appointment, and explaining to the counselor why it was okay that H wasn't doing anything special for me for Valentine's Day - giving all of H's excuses.
Truth be told, I really wasn't that bothered by it in previous years - like I said, he was romantic in other times and places, and I thought I was being a supportive wife by not pressuring him to "perform" on Valentine's Day. And since gifts aren't really my LL, it was never about wanting "things" anyway. But that memory of that MC session 3 years ago has haunted me since.
Anyway - on Friday H saw one of those sappy jewelry ads on TV and said to me "just want to let you know that I'm not doing anything like that". Now, he said it in such a way that he didn't want me to be disappointed - and yes, his life has been horribly stressed and hectic this month, between the kid issues, the house being disassembled, and too much work catching up with him all at once.(He's also seemed more depressed to me lately - hmmmm, perhaps there's a seasonal component to his depression that hits its' bottom at Valentine's Day?)
So really I wasn't expecting anything big anyway. But I also realized that it would be just more of the same for me to stuff my own desires to get WOA on this day.
So, yesterday while we were out for a walk, I explained to him that I didn't need things or fancy dinners out, but that I DID want and expect many expressions of love, and that I deserved to be treated that way as much as the next girl! This is still a 180 for me, to speak up and ask for what I want.
Yes, I am not much of a gifts person at all, either. As a matter of fact, they make me a bit uncomfortable.
The thought just occurred to me that maybe H assumes, because it's Valentine's, that if he does anything--it has to be about buying me something. And I know we don't have the money, and, again, neither of us are gift people.
In all honesty, he had asked me first about the ecard thing at the end of last week. That's why I sent him one. He had asked me where you could get some free ones, and at the time, I sent him some links. I halfway thought that I might get one today, although no expectations.
I've also thought that his current lack of interest may be due to the fact that he is still all stressed out. (Depressed might be a better word, actually.) In the past, despite his protestations, he has done things for me on Valentine's.
I like that you told your H about the holiday. And I think this also goes back to something I was saying on my thread earlier, too...about how H says he "doesn't know" what to do to make me happy. Maybe he just needs a bit of a nudge.
Quote: So, yesterday while we were out for a walk, I explained to him that I didn't need things or fancy dinners out, but that I DID want and expect many expressions of love, and that I deserved to be treated that way as much as the next girl! This is still a 180 for me, to speak up and ask for what I want.
Yes, H came through. Yesterday he: - gave me a box of Junior Mints (okay, he'd brought it home from his last trip, but he knows they are my favorite ) - called me from work to tell me he loved me - sent me a nice email from work telling me (in Spanish, because we are practicing) that he loved me more than words could say - brought me home a red construction paper heart Valentine he had made and a large bouquet of flowers - initiated ML last night even though he was exhausted All this he managed to squeeze into a very long and demanding work day. See, guys, it's not so difficult!
wow, that was a great v day!!! i am so happy for you. holy cow you are such an inspiration. and i still find it very hard to believe, with your personality and sense of humor that you find it hard to ask for what u want.
i am not a gift person either so i thought his WOA were great!
Thinking of you all the time, keeping a low bb profile but finding your advice all over the place -- so lovely, so helpful!
Have finally connected in person with the lovely-and-talented Azure -- she's helping my sheepdog get adjusted to her new doggie wheelchair. Yay! Mobility!
Sending a hug and a virtual paper-heart to say ILY, U rock, and all that jazz.
