((((((ellie)))))), this is the first i have visited your post in a while and HOLY COW!!! i need a serious nap after reading all of that.
i am no expert but i am going through a similar sitch with my niece. my little sis got pregnant when she was a teen, so the responsibilty of raising niece fell on my shoulders (because i was a whole year older ). my N13 is not on AD's, but she is smoking, drinking, doing bad in school but worst of all, she is cutting herself. she lives with my sis, so i can only help from the sidelines. but she moved in with me for a little last year because she was failing all her classes. i did 3 things with worked really well. first was very hard, because i love her so much, but i was very strict with her. not just with her time and her activities, but with pretty much everything. even the way she spoke to me and others. i know that they are crying for help, and that giving them more stress and more rules may sound like a bad idea, but she was actually relieved that she did not have to figure everything out on her own. she felt safe because of all the rules.
the next thing i did was praise the heck out of her for every little thing. i know when she is doing bad stuff, it may be hard to offer praise. my sis told me once that there was no way in the world she could praise this child, because of everything she is doing "she deserves nothing". but you know from DBing that praise makes them want more praise.
and the last thing i did was alot of serious heart to hearts. she did not really open up to me completely and tell me every little thing about her life. so i did some detective work before hand. first i put a keylogger on the computer and saw what she was telling her friends. (it was a horrible keylogger, a freeware thing, so i wont suggest it. i honestly dont remember what the name even was) when i found out what she was up to a little bit, i would have a heart to heart on that subject. sex, drugs, smoking etc. and i would continue to tell her how it was her life and her decision. i would let her know how easy it would be to do this in her sitch. and i would explain the bad consequenses. i also read up on problems all teens are facing right now, because they are way different then what i dealt with as a teen.
within 2 months, her grades were up to above normal. she spoke to me and her mom in a nice respectful tone, and her self confidence went through the roof.
unfortunatley, my sis thought she was "healed" and took her back home again. my sis did not change her attitude in any way, so my N13 went right back to were she was.
its tough, but this to shall pass. keep up the i love you's. and lean on everyone you need to. sry my post is so long .
). my N13 is not on AD's, but she is smoking, drinking, doing bad in school but worst of all, she is cutting herself. she lives with my sis, so i can only help from the sidelines. but she moved in with me for a little last year because she was failing all her classes. i did 3 things with worked really well. first was very hard, because i love her so much, but i was very strict with her. not just with her time and her activities, but with pretty much everything. even the way she spoke to me and others. i know that they are crying for help, and that giving them more stress and more rules may sound like a bad idea, but she was actually relieved that she did not have to figure everything out on her own. she felt safe because of all the rules.
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