Quote: WOA - hmmm, don't know what the person who GIVES WOA is looking for?
Mr. W. admitted to me last year that although WOA is not his giving language (he's an AOS person), he was looking for something in return. Specific things, like me giving him permission to have a golf weekend or to take a day from his parenting responsibility to go fishing.
He used it as a means to barter for what he wanted, knowing I respond very well to WOA...
I would hate to think that other people would have similar motives. It ain't the healthiest way to ask for what you want, no?
Quote: Quality time - well, that's the BIG way my H wants to receive - but he mostly gives it on HIS terms. That is, he wants quality time with me doing the things HE wants to do - he wouldn't accompany me to something he wasn't interested in just to spend quality time with me - but maybe that's just him!
Ugh, no it's not just him! I've been very guilty of this myself. Especially with D10, whose LL is clearly QT. It's why one of my goals this year is to be more present with her (as well as her sister).
Ugh, this stuff is hard...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Ellie, you could coach people through difficult medical situations without giving them a lot of advice... frinstance (not one of Betsey's daughter's words, but an invention of my own), you could coach people deciding about putting their kid on meds, or their elderly parent in assisted living. You could coach people through breast cancer or other cancers. You could mentor young docs and teach them better communication skills. You could coach families in hospice.
I think you could do all this as a "former" doc, positioning yourself as a coach and mentor, and not a purveyor of medical advice, per se.
From the way you write and see things, I think you would be phenomenal at this kind of work and it would be a huge service.
Well, the insurance guy I spoke to seemed to feel that I would still be open to medical malpractice liability, even if all I did was give info and had a big disclaimer. I would not be diagnosing or prescribing - but let's face it, people can sue you for anything, and I guess if you're an MD, you're just too much of a target. I'll get some other insurance opinions, though.
I know I'd be great at it - I'm the one all MY physician friends come to with their own health puzzles
Ever heard of the Natural Hygienist, Herbert Shelton? He was prosecuted several times for practising medicine without a license, although Natural Hygiene doesn't deal with drugs at all (in fact is totally against them), only life style componenets - like diet, sleep, living habits, fasting etc.
It seems that technically even advising someone to drink a glass of water could be construed as 'medical advice'.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Okay, LOL, here's my Cainercast for tomorrow, I think it's a week or so late!
Quote: Amusement arcades used to offer a game involving little rubber frogs popping up from holes in a revolving disk. You had to hit them back down with a hammer. Your problems now seem to be like those frogs. As fast as you solve one, another rises up. But you can't use a hammer, you have to be sensitive. And you can't remain constantly vigilant. You'll exhaust yourself. Can't you just refuse to play a certain silly game? Coming events should help you see that you don't have to expend as much energy as you think.
I DO feel like I've been playing Whack-a-Mole for the last three years! Gosh, I sure hope this refers to the current problem and doesn't mean something mORE will show up tomorrow!!!
((((((ellie)))))), this is the first i have visited your post in a while and HOLY COW!!! i need a serious nap after reading all of that.
i am no expert but i am going through a similar sitch with my niece. my little sis got pregnant when she was a teen, so the responsibilty of raising niece fell on my shoulders (because i was a whole year older ). my N13 is not on AD's, but she is smoking, drinking, doing bad in school but worst of all, she is cutting herself. she lives with my sis, so i can only help from the sidelines. but she moved in with me for a little last year because she was failing all her classes. i did 3 things with worked really well. first was very hard, because i love her so much, but i was very strict with her. not just with her time and her activities, but with pretty much everything. even the way she spoke to me and others. i know that they are crying for help, and that giving them more stress and more rules may sound like a bad idea, but she was actually relieved that she did not have to figure everything out on her own. she felt safe because of all the rules.
the next thing i did was praise the heck out of her for every little thing. i know when she is doing bad stuff, it may be hard to offer praise. my sis told me once that there was no way in the world she could praise this child, because of everything she is doing "she deserves nothing". but you know from DBing that praise makes them want more praise.
and the last thing i did was alot of serious heart to hearts. she did not really open up to me completely and tell me every little thing about her life. so i did some detective work before hand. first i put a keylogger on the computer and saw what she was telling her friends. (it was a horrible keylogger, a freeware thing, so i wont suggest it. i honestly dont remember what the name even was) when i found out what she was up to a little bit, i would have a heart to heart on that subject. sex, drugs, smoking etc. and i would continue to tell her how it was her life and her decision. i would let her know how easy it would be to do this in her sitch. and i would explain the bad consequenses. i also read up on problems all teens are facing right now, because they are way different then what i dealt with as a teen.
within 2 months, her grades were up to above normal. she spoke to me and her mom in a nice respectful tone, and her self confidence went through the roof.
unfortunatley, my sis thought she was "healed" and took her back home again. my sis did not change her attitude in any way, so my N13 went right back to were she was.
its tough, but this to shall pass. keep up the i love you's. and lean on everyone you need to. sry my post is so long .
Thanks for the input, Kelly - we've actually been doing most of that all along, the biggest mistake was to give her a little bit of independence (like riding the bus to her friend's house, going to the movies with friends without adult supervision) which seemed appropriate to her age but apparently not in this day and age!
I really do think, though, in D14's case, that this acting out may be linked to her medications (we are lowering her dose slightly on advice of her psychiatrist) - or - perish the thought - an early indication of some kind of manic episode.
Note that it's not that I think it is abnormal for a teen to experiment or rebel - I'm actually not worried about S13, because I see his actions as being totally consistent with his risk-taking, leader-of-the-pack mentality. Obviously he needs better supervision too, but I don't see him as having a serious issue, just ordinary teen stuff. My D, though, this is so uncharacteristic for her, and it escalated so fast - just really seems odd and unstable (especially after her fireworks show in the psychologist's office).
BTW - my D did go through a phase of cutting too - after her ED was exposed, while she was gaining back the weight. She described it as feeling like she needed to be punished for all she was putting us through (even though we never made her feel that way) - she stopped finally thank goodness.
Hope you have no more problems popping up. Thanks for visiting my sight. I really hope your horoscope is suggesting that solutions will be easier than you anticipated.
Take care.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Betsey 
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