Mojo - the second most popular book among DBers, after Michele's books, is a little gem called the Five Love Languages by Chapman. Basically, it says that people express and receive love in one of five ways - Words of Affirmation ("oh, honey, you're so smart, beautiful, talented..."), gifts, Acts of Service (ie your H washing your car for you), Quality time, and Physical touch (not necessarily sex, but handholding, stroking, massaging, hugging, etc.).
Most people seem to have 2 or so LLs that they prefer to receive in. And if a spouse is speaking a different love language - they may not be able to understand you, just as I wouldn't understand if you spoke Swahili to me.
Picture the guy who expresses himself in AOS - washes the car for his wife. If her LLs are quality time and WOA - then she's not happy he washed the car, she's pissed!!!! SHE thinks he doesn't love her because he didn't bring her a flowery card with WOA and spend that time with her, instead of out in the driveway.
As it relates to DBing - if you can learn your spouse's LLs, and speak to them in those languages, they will be more likely to respond positively to you. Also, if you understand THEIR expressive love languages (not necessarily the same as receptive) you will be more likely to recognize when they are telling you they love you.
Get the book - it's a quick read, and the only R book my H ever read - he even gave several copies to his friends!
