PS - funny story to relate. S13 came home from school the other day, talking about how weird his math teacher was. She had been discussing opera with one of his classmates who had been to see "Deflated Mouse".
Luckily I had read the entertainment section of the paper that morning and could explain to S13 that she had been to see the operetta "Die Fledermaus"!
Is it possible that the Prozac is causing some of the anger? Wasn't there some concern about people on Prozac several years ago? I was on Prozac for several years for depression until it quit working and I started down that long dark tunnel again. Since I am on another med, I feel much better. I feel more centered than with Prozac. I don't think I had severe mood swings but I did seem not to be as centered as I am now.
Hope you find a solution, my heart goes out to you. There is nothing worse than suspecting your child has a problem that you cannot just make go away for any parent. I would imagine being a doctor would cause more anxiety during a time like this. We humans expect too much from ourselves at time. Don't forget to take care of Elle, too.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Ellie, I've admired your perspective on others sitch's and your own R. I'm getting a growing feeling that I'm going askew in mine. Sep 3 mo, D likely - W moved quickly to it with no deep explanation other than my mistakes, but hints at depression and feelings of fragility and need to find herself. Yet there is still room for change. Would you take a peek at my sitch and tell me if I'm missing the boat on some facet of DBing? I'm not sure if I could be doing more, or if my sitch truly needs more time (like Dep resolving) before DBing can help enact a true turn. Thanks for any input!
There are some concerns about Prozac possibly initiating bipolar illness - although actually, the studies suggest it does so less than other older antidepressants, and it's really not clear whether antidepressants "cause" this or just "unmask" something that was going to appear anyway.
I will be speaking to D's psychiatrist this week though about possibly tapering her down on the drug (although I'm a bit terrified of the possibility of the eating disorder reappearing.)
I was supposed to leave on Wednesday for this weekend snowboarding trip with H - and was SO looking forward to it - but finally decided tonight that D just seems too unstable to me for me to leave her for five days with my mom. Especially since she is starting school this week at the new school/ independent study program, I really feel I need to stay here. She is excited so far about the prospect, I hope her enthusiasm will continue after she meets her teachers and fellow students tomorrow. There is just something kind of pressured about her right now that makes me nervous. The good thing, though, is that she has very high ambitions for herself academically at this new school - she has expressed a desire to get all As, I would be happy but worry about her perfectionism surfacing (couldn't she please say she wants to get all As and a B? ).
meanwhile, S13 is still interested in pursuing this program as well, he came in for an interview today to start the application process. Just call me the Accidental Homeschooler!
And i got an email response from an insurance agent I had queried before all this started. He was quite pessimistic about malpractice insurance coverage for a medical "coaching" practice - says despite not actually treating patients, there would still be big liability issues, and because of the likelihood of clients from multiple states or even abroad, most insurers would not touch it - meaning I would have to go with more expensive insurers, who provide less coverage - estimating maybe $12,000 a year for pretty bare-bones coverage. Pretty discouraging. Will get some other opinions though.
Hey, one good thing though - new carpet came today for the kids rooms! We can finally start moving all their junk back into their rooms. I was starting to feel like one of those crazy hoarders, you could barely stumble around the house for all their stuff all over while their rooms were being painted.
It was starting to make me feel really uncomfortable - which is so unusual, because I am not by nature the neatest person. In fact, when my clean-freak H would go away on business for a weekend, I used to revel in not making the bed and going to bed with the dishes dirty and throwing my clothes around the bedroom - then scramble to pick up before he got home.
But living in all this clutter this week started to get to me - and I realized today, this must have been how my H felt. No, our house was never like this - in fact, I would have rated our home as solidly at the 50th percentile for tidiness with three small children - but for my H, it probably FELT like it was this cluttered - and he probably FELT the same discomfort I've been feeling this week. Poor guy. Ellie
I know virtually nothing about ADs having never taken them or really known people close to me take them. But I have noticed, in passing, references in the press to one of the sides effects of Prozac being a tendancy to suicide. There have been some cases in the UK reported, where Prozac has been alledged to have driven people to suicide. I don't want to be alarmist, but I presume you are aware of this?
Just a casual google search will yield many references to the subjuect, like -
Yes, those concerns have been raised. The problem is - any truly effective antidepressant also, paradoxically, can take some people from too depressed to do anything, to just a little less depressed so they have enough energy to kill themselves. Even electric shock therapy can do this - I saw it during my training. Whether Prozac does this more - or whether it just gets a bad rap because it is so widely used, as such an effective anti-depressant (which it is) - really is not clear at all from the data.
Well, D is gone to her first day of classes (they do meet twice a week for about for hours each day for "study groups" - the rest is independent study).
Cross your fingers that she will like her teachers and meet some nice kids to make friends with there.
All I can say is that you are doing the very best for your D and it shows. Make sure you keep all of this posting so that some day you can show your D what YOU saw in your view of it all, unfolding the way it is right in front of your own eyes. I know if I were your child and I read all this, it would make me think about what is going on in my life and to get a different percpective.
Not to mention that looking back at all your posting would show her how much love you have for her and everything you are doing for her well being. It would make for an awesome life perspective. Maybe when this is all over though.
You are doing so much and deserve a Hero's Salute for your strength and love for your family.
We are all behind you and praying for you!
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
D had a good day at school yesterday, liked the learning environment. Only 10 - 15 kids in each class, so no temptations to talk or get distracted. Turns out she knows a couple of the kids. Then she came home and we worked on pitting away the stuff from their bedrooms that got pulled out for painting and carpeting. I think if I work like mad on this today I just might finish it before the cleaning lady comes tomorrow.
Meanwhile, got word yesterday morning that S13 was accepted to this program - then S13 came home from school and said he'd changed his mind, he didn't want to leave his current school!
I'm bummed because I really think the education would be better for him at the new school - but understand his concerns about leaving his friends, and frankly, I would be a little relieved not to be homeschooling him. Certainly it won't work without his buy-in. Am giving him a day to firm up his decision before I inform the school that he is backing out (was all his idea from the beginning).
Meanwhile - just got back from dropping H and S13 at the airport. H really didn't want to travel alone, and since I couldn't go with him on this trip, he used some FF miles to get S13 on the flight with him. They'll have a great time snowboarding together.
Poor H has really painted himself into a corner - too much work, too many projects the past two weeks - and then add all this stuff with D14 on top of it. He just doesn't know how to prioritize either - thinks he can do everything.
Worked hard all day yesterday, had to pack for this trip last night, secure S18's bookshelf to the wall so he could put his things back, then decided at 8:00 pm, while totally exhausted, that he absolutely had to change electrical outlet in S18's room to a ground fault before he left (S18 is moved to a different part of the room and needs to plug his computer in. Mind you, S uses the computer mostly for fun, so this could have easily waited until H got back). Inevitably, there was some problem getting this done (H is usually good with this stuff, but Murphy's law does prevail), and H spent two frustrating hours on it before giving up.
I do see more clearly now the ways in which H deals with his anxiety by "doing" - and the ways he sets himself up to be pressured. Understanding it helps me not to get so drawn into it - but I haven't really figured out a good way to help him with it yet.
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