Hi all -
too tired to give a complete update, but let me say it was awful!

Went to therapist, H gently explained to D that we were worried whether there were any other things we had to be concerned about. He asked her directly about cigarettes, alcohol - she denied. Then I revealed what I had found when I stumbled on the journal.

D's response was over the top, completely out of control. Not just the anger of the guilty so familiar to DBers (although plenty of that), but really scary, kind of whacked behavior. Psychologist thinks she might be rapid-cycling bipolar, and told me something interesting - that D's wild behavior when she was two could be connected, in that it is sometimes seen in kids who later develop bipolar disorder. I don't know how much weight to give to all that - and worry that her medications might be contributing to this - but she was definitely out of control in a way that was reminiscent of her 2 yr old rages.

Now, when she was little, she would eventually "come down" from her rages and usually was very contrite and sweet afterwards. D has given us the silent treatment since we got home earlier this evening, but did consent to join us in the family room for a movie (Repo Man And I had bought her favorite, Raisinettes). She was just in the kitchen a little while ago looking for a bedtime snack, and I asked her if I could help her find anything. She muttered no, but I did my best Act As If and told her "ILY, goodnight" in a normal way. A little while later she came out for something else and muttered something unintelligible as she went back to her room - either "ILY" or "I hate you" - could have been either! - but I actually think it was the former.

I am finding it helpful to think of how she was at two - the similarities are pretty striking - and I remember how to deal with that. Poor thing, this is really not just normal adolescent rebellion, but yet another manifestation of whatever miswiring there is in her brain. Getting her well is going to be tougher than I thought - I think.

Ellie