Quote: You mentioned the school for the arts. What interests does she have there? Is she talented? Any way to boost her PMA by validating her strengths and creating a positive outlet for her?
She's a brilliantly talented singer/songwriter - has written close to 100 songs in the past couple of years, most of them brilliant, insightful, with great catchy hooks. In fact, she had just started doing a little bit of recording and performed at a couple of open mike nights to great response before the ED took over her life. She has continued to write throughout, but not recording or performing.
I think she thinks kids in the PA school will share more of her interests - which is possibly true, altho I think there are plenty of kids right here who do, she's just not gravitating to them. Given her talent, she would be a little bit of an awkward fit into the PA curriculum, which seems to divide between classical music (emphasis on sight reading, which she hates, and clssical repertoire, which she has never liked) and theater arts (she can sing and act, but really, the singer/songwriter gig is her thing, she's performed in plays before but isn't dying to do it again. She used to get all the big villainess parts because she has such a big stage presence and a really loud chest voice).
The main problem with this is the nearly one-hour commute across the city to the school - which would mean 2 hours a day of commuting for her, and 3 to 4 hours for me if I can't find a carpool! I'm just not sure how we would manage it.
I am hopeful that if she goes to the independent study program, she would have more time to focus on getting back into recording and copywriting her music.
Ellie, this is so much to take in! You're doing great. And try to remember that change is the thing that moves life forward. In the long run, with a mom like you, she'll be fine.
How do you feel about working for a medical/pharma manufacturer developing patient education materials? Salaried.
The ones I see in my Dr's office are pretty lame for the most part. I see a big hole for more effective and efficient ways to deliver patient info.
anyone out there who has homeschooled a high-schooler to give me any pointers?
My youngest (now 22) dropped out of school to homeschool. Entirely his idea. When he announced he was dropping out of grade 10 highschool he handed me the "Teenage Revolution Handbookd" and said "Read this dad" then we'll discuss my decision." Of course I was dancin' on the coffee table at the time. About this same time he was caught smoking dope.
He set up the program himself. Used the local school as well as the local homeschool association. Purchased his own materials. Found a part-time job while homeschooling. Pretty much did it on hiw own.
Since then he's taught himself to be an excellent young chef. Make pretty decent money but most importantly is happy. If he ever decides to go back to school ( I doubt it) he can always apply as a mature student.
Ellie, She sounds so talented. I really do think that simply moving does not solve problems...but I feel differently in this situation. High school for me was a total misery because I really did not relate to the vaues around me. I had to remind myself constantly that these people would not matter a whit to me in 4 years... (by the time I graduated)
But it was so hard.. and I became more and more truant and there were few teachers who could understand especially since my older bro had been such a star.
I did find an experimental program that was being piloted. It was an amazing public project modeled after the Summerhill program.. Lot of respect for students and placing education in their hands, etc. It was SOOO right for me.
Could Ihave made it at my old high school where there were "goo" teachers, etc? Yeah. But being in the right place with people with whom I had some shared values and interests made all the difference in the world.
Being a teenager is hard enough even when you have good friends and a support system... living without that is just a nightmare.
Can you look into paying a driver for some of the days of her commute? Or for one of the daily commutes? I think that you might even enjoy having one or two of those drive times with D. You can share a lot and learn alot together in an hour...
Thanks Maya and Soup for your input. We registered D today for the Independent study program. I think she's going to really like it, actually. Her advisor is a really nice guy.
D will go for four classes a week - (each class once a week, 1 1/2 to 2 hours long). So she'll go for about 4 hours on Tuesday and 4 on Thursday. Assignments are given for a month at a time, and handed in at the end of the month - at which time they also take an exam. She'll be responsible for pacing the work, reading and learning at home, but obviously will also still have a fair amount of class contact (actually, I suspect one two-hour class might contain as much real teaching as three or four 50 minute classes at her present school). Also class size will be smaller, since there are only 20 freshmen in the whole school.
I've questioned D repeatedly about whether this is really what she wants - something she said today to the advisor really struck home - she wants to "separate her academic life from her social life". Bingo!!! This is a girl who really does want to do well, but found the social distractions and impetus to "dumb down" too much to handle.
We'll see how it works, no guarantees of course, but I am hopeful.
Getting ready to un-enroll D from he high school, we have to turn in all her books, and the house is a mess because we are painting their bedrooms this week and all the stuff from their rooms is all over the house. So D is gone to take her last final exams, and I am looking for one missing textbook we need to return, and look in her backpack. I find a couple of small books she's forgotten about returning - then open a pink book I think might be another schoolbook. Turns out to be a journal - and dang, things are worse than I thought. Other drugs (need to send that urine specimen in to the lab NOW!!!!), cigarettes, alcohol - amazing how much bad stuff a kid can cram into so few hours!!!!! Really, this is a kid who has had pretty good supervision 98% of the time - that 2% is a KILLER!!!
Sad to say, but I think thwere is something very seriously wrong with my D - beyond the obvious of depression and the eating disorder, like possibly bipolar or some other serious mental disease - this just seems so beyond normal teenage stuff.
There are some people who think that there's a higher incidence of bipolar disorder among kids with EDs. And as I've mentioned before, I've often thought of my H as having possibly a mild form - in that he would have mild depressions interspersed with a generally "hypomanic" very active, energetic, hyper-productive usual state. Not abnormal, really - but just to the far end of the bell curve. Now of course I wonder about D. Could she have a more severe form?
Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'll go to xerox her journal pages so I can bring them to the counseling appointment we have with her psychologist tomorrow ( H and I and D).
Time to get that keystroke logger on the computer too.
Cross your fingers for us all - the next few years are about to get REALLY BUMPY!!!!!!!!
So sorry for this. D is really pleading for help and the good news is that you are there to catch her. This is great.
And she journaled the stuff!!! Another sub-conscious plea, in my opinion.
I want to caution you about xeroxing the journal. You have the info and can send the urine off for the testing. That will be good enough. Here is my thought on exposing the journal. First, she does need some place sacred to vent... even if she is putting it right in your face.... Second, if you let her know you read the journal she may get better at hiding it. Do you want to have to dig further than this to catch her?
I say that you have plenty of already exposed info to take to counselling. You have a means to "discover" this other drug abuse. It may be really sneaky and dishonest and that may be why you would not want to handle it the way I suggest. But she has been sneaky with you and your sneakiness might just be to her benefit.. My suggestion? Use the info from having found her journal without her knowing that you read it. Sit on your cookie, there is plenty of time to let her know what you know...
Let her have her journal to work out her own thoughts.
Hmm. The counterargument... It may just be a great relief for all of you to have it all out on the table.
About this same time he was caught smoking dope. 
If he ever decides to go back to school ( I doubt it) he can always apply as a mature student.