Koshka, I'm sorry if this wasn't clear. My friend was venting frustration at ME, through this vaguely worded e-mail, about how he can't take listening to my problems with S. anymore.
Actually, I had all but stopped saying anything to him at all. But he is one of my oldest friends, and I mentioned something recently (as you see in my reply) to spare him the discomfort of calling up S. to go to a workshop and finding that we weren't speaking to each other. Hence the e-mail.
Believe me, i spared him the details, I simply mentioned that he could call S. if he wanted but here's the deal, and be forewarned. That's it. No whining, no wailing (I save that for you guys! ), just the facts.
A little nondefensive, understanding yet detached response goes a long way. Here's the e-mail my friend wrote me in response to the above. I'm still chuckling.
Quote: Okay, that old twenty-twenty hindsight is kicking in. First of all, I'm sorry. I realize you weren't asking for advice and even though I appeared to be giving it, what I was really doing was flailing in the mud of failed attempts at humor. Sorry for being such an idiot.
Second of all, I'm there for you whenever you need it. I didn't think you needed me to be there, so I wasn't there. Sadly, I was being actively not there and maybe I could have been a little more there than I was there. Sorry for that.
Thirdly, I pledge to be supportive of you for the rest of my life. You can take that to the bank. Unfortunately, I'm stupid and often forget my manners and when I'm supposed to be supportive. If so, feel free to slap me around a bit and remind me I'm being an ass. Oh, wait. Re-reading below, I can see you do feel just that free. Excellent. Oh, and sorry.
Lastly, I know it's impossible for something as petty as the rest of your life to interfere with a friendship like ours, but let's not even pretend it might. It's scary to even think about that.
Love (idiotically), [MF]
p.s. Sorry. p.s.s. Sorry again. psst: SORRY!
And my big news of the day is: There is no news. Nothing. Nada. Crickets chirping. Tumbleweeds tumbling. And I leave to catch a 6 a.m. flight at 4:30 (that's in the A of M).
So, arriving home now after running errands and attending meetings all day (and stopping to have a little pedicure en route), I have to pack and get some peace, I mean, sleep.
I'm really debating: Call or don't call? Call to say good-bye? Don't call? Wait a little later and then call, right before I go to bed? Don't call?
Maybe I'm missing something, but do you want silence and retreat to be the way that unresolved issues are handled? For me, it is a goal to be able to remain loving and warm while waiting out resolution.
I'm glad things worked out with F. Your response was great. Have a wonderful trip!!!
I'm about to leave the state of Texas, where I have been sequestered for the last 10 days. The first 5 were spent in Big Bend National Park, which from all accounts is right up there with the great parks of the American West (Arches, Bryce, Grand Canyon, etc.). My good MF (he's also a colleague, flatmate, and my H's boyfriend) flew out for a conference early with me to drive over the the park and hike and camp, and boy, it was perfect. The desert was in full bloom, the sun was shining, and the wildlife frolicking (jackrabbits, roadrunners, etc.). We hiked every day - 4 miles the first to some rock formations with ancient petroglyphs; 13 miles the next through the high desert and up into the mountains for a 7,500-foot-high view over the mountains of Mexico; and a short 2-mile hike to the Rio Grande followed by a 6-mile high-desert hike for some of the most beautiful scenery I've seen. We camped three nights and had a great time.
Monday we drove back to San Antonio, where our conference was getting under way. Professionally, the week has been a goldmine of information and motivation for me. I go to this conference every year, but this year I felt fully inspired, motivated, and, most of all, validated in spades by my peers as well as important authors whom I work with. It has been a wonderful feel-good, productive week for me.
I have also discovered that my brand of appearance works very well here - I had a VERY attractive - no, actually he was HOT - waiter (not even serving my table) stop to tell me how beautiful I am, and then write a poem about my eyes and recite it to me on bended knee; an attractive businessman approach me as I ate alone one afternoon by the river, just to tell me he thought I was a "very attractive woman"; and numerous other passing comments (none lewd or offensive, just very polite and flattering). Of course I recounted them all to S. in a slightly surprised, "Who, me?" sort of way.
I'll update more later - for the moment I need to get packed up and parked by the pool before I get on a plane this afternoon for rainy, cold NYC. Yuck.
Ooh, Big Bend. I definitely want to go there someday. I'm glad you had such a good trip. Looking forward to having you back and getting the full report.
Hi JinB- It is good to see your thread again, I have been a little out of it on the BB, trying to get perspective and not be too obsessed with my sitch, GAL and the BB seem to be hard for me to do simultaneously. I don't know what to say about your sitch, as I feel like such a flailing neophyte. But I want you to know I am checking in on it and am impressed with yoru validation (As usual). IF you have a chance, I would love some insight on my sitch.
Quote: I have also discovered that my brand of appearance works very well here - I had a VERY attractive - no, actually he was HOT - waiter (not even serving my table) stop to tell me how beautiful I am, and then write a poem about my eyes and recite it to me on bended knee; an attractive businessman approach me as I ate alone one afternoon by the river, just to tell me he thought I was a "very attractive woman"; and numerous other passing comments (none lewd or offensive, just very polite and flattering).
I've been very quiet, catching up with post-conference work and basking in my sunny Texas glow (never thought I'd use those words together in the same sentence ). I thought the same thing, Ellie, when I was getting all that GOOD attention (not the lascivious kind from professional loiterers) - hmm, I guess I should move down here! But here I am in NY again.
I've been going through some pretty heavy stuff back home, and though it was wonderful to see S. after 10 days apart, and we did share loving hours together snuggling, ML, and talking-- we are still struggling with some major issues.
I just wanted to pop in on my own thread and say hello, thank people for coming by, and saying my underground days are not quite over, so don't forget about me! I'll probably be incomunicado for a bit longer... just working through some hefty stuff. So I hope to be able to visit around some... and if I don't get to people today, then soon.
), just the facts.
