Can you guess what I'm going to say? Actually, my first advice is to talk with H2H, who seems to be your best friend in the R business.
Actually, that's not my first advice. My first advice is to examine the big Q which is the first thing any DB Coach will ask you: WHAT IS/ARE YOUR GOALS???? If you need to rethink them, do so.
There is no doubt that having healthy R's with the opposite sex can be a very good thing in relationships. However, I do beg to differ with SD in that I do not believe such R's are appropriate with ex-lovers (either physically or emotionally) when you are involved in a COMMITTED relationship.
I won't belabor the distinctions I've discussed so many times before on the differences between marital and long-term committed relationships, but from where I sit--S's desire to maintain these sends all the wrong signals--particularly if he was dishonest about it. However, I do agree with SD that right now--this is YOUR issue. not S's. That is, S could be purely innocent on this, but your reaction shows this is an area where you need to set your own acceptable boundaries--and live or die by them. To me personally, this is a tough area to compromise. S may have good intentions and the spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak.
Gosh darnit! As I write this, I just can't get away from this cetral issue of what I'll now call divinely inspired marital love. As I approach baptism and complete an intense journey of Faith--one begins to realize that the type of personal sacrifice necessary to maintain a permanent R requires divine intervention and commitment to that divinity because we are human and can't do it alone (I'll grant that ther are exceptions, but the rule holds for the overwhelming majority of us). We can maintain the exclusive commitment for a long time, but it's simply simply against our purely human nature to keep on the exclsuivity path when troubles befall and alternatives are present without something more inspirational to guide us--and even those with a good deal of inspiration can fall.
And that's the bottom line Jennifer: What are YOU willing to accept that is under YOUR control and how do YOU intend to manage that level of acceptance? It's not an easy issue to answer, but is probably the truest pathway to peace. And as I read H2H's dealings, I think you can learn a lot from her about this path. Be well my Brooklyn friend.
