Hi, Stubborn, thanks for your input. I agree with you on some points, but not on others. I don't think you realize the extent to which S. brings up "issues" and wants to talk about them. I get the feeling you guys think I'm shoving these intense conversations down his throat all the time... well, I'm here to tell ya, the guy is a talker, an analyzer, and he's got the longevity of Castro.
Granted, I didn't react with the utmost of calm assuredness last night, but the disbelief that he was lying to me, even as the bonehead had forgotten he'd told me ALL about this woman, just took over. I don't think many people would have calmly asked themselves "How did I contribute to this lie?" "What is my part in this?" as the ridiculous lie was coming out of his mouth.
I didn't freak out and fly off the handle, nor did I raise my voice. I cried briefly, well into the conversation, and I quicky recovered. The main thing I did was ask him questions, and yes, I listened to the answers. I even validated that he must be feeling terrible and I was sorry. And I validated and apologized for his feeling that I couldn't be approached with the truth.
I post all this not to defend myself, but to get support and advice based on more of the whole story. I regret not having been more articulate this morning, but I had been awake since 5 and I was feeling very, very low.
Quote: Keep in mind that you aren't going to agree on everything. S may not be willing to cut off contact with former GFs. You can be very disappointed, but it's his choice to make. That should be respected, not belittled. If that is ultimately unacceptable to you, that is fine, but S doesn't have to be labeled as wrong. The way to maintain your boundaries is to control your behavior, not S's.
This is a very good point, which is why I have decided not to talk about this again with him until I've decided what my bottom line is. For the record, he hasn't tried to contact me today. His tentative date with this woman is for tomorrow night, then he works Wednesday late, and I leave at 0'dark-thirty on Thursday morning for ten days.
I feel like I need to really assert my boundaries here, and if that means ending the R if he keeps choosing himself over us, then I'm garnering my strength to do that. Something I didn't post (a skewed cherry) that he told me before he told me about the mystery coop girl also has me thinking: We spent all weekend and the last few weeks excitedly talking about buying real estate, looking at R-E web sites, talking about houses, and sending each other links to properties. Then, he went out and made himself an appointment to look at some properties. Alone. This, in my book, is once again choosing himself over us, especially in light of conversations we had this weekend about being ready to settle down. And just Friday he was lambasting me because I hadn't invited him to a movie I was going to see with H2H, saying, "You know how I love movies. Why WOULDN'T you include me?!"
Anyway, small potatoes compared to lying about seeing some woman who broke his heart WHILE we were seeing each other.
