Quote: 6. I started to cry (not because of HER, but because he LIED, and really out of anger and frustration than pain), I asked him WHY he lied, and he said "Because of this," meaning because of my pain. I told him truthfully that I was sorry he didn't feel like he could talk to me about things like that ("I'm sorry, too," he said), but to choose lying over discomfort was "incredibly disrespectful to me, and made me feel like a fool." ("I'm sorry, Jennifer," he said).
When you calm down, think about how you would like to have conversations with S about difficult subjects. If he does something boneheaded, do you want to fly off the handle and rant and rave and lecture and cry? Or do you want to discuss it calmly and lovingly, from a place where you can listen to each other's feelings? What can you do to promote understanding and connection between you? I'm thinking that when these things hit, it might be best for you to take a time out and take a walk (or twenty) around the block. Do not have the discussion with S until you are as ready to listen as to speak, and until you've let go of the idea that he is WRONG and you are right.
You get to have boundaries and limits, but beating him over the head with them isn't respectful or productive.
Quote: 7. I talked a lot about our HUGE trust issue...
This is a bigger issue than some of those other skewed cherries. However, I get the impression that S listens to very frequent dramatic recitals about HUGE issues. If it were me, I'd be rather desensitized to that by now and write it off. How is S to distinguish between all those skewed cherries and what is really important?
Keep in mind that you aren't going to agree on everything. S may not be willing to cut off contact with former GFs. You can be very disappointed, but it's his choice to make. That should be respected, not belittled. If that is ultimately unacceptable to you, that is fine, but S doesn't have to be labeled as wrong. The way to maintain your boundaries is to control your behavior, not S's.
I suspect that if you can approach tough issues with that level of maturity, S will also be much more likely to respond positively.
