Quote: Jennifer does expend quite a bit of effort to meeting his needs & expectations in a healthy way.
Well, I guess if H2H is willing to vouch for you, then I'll believe that you're editing out the other half of things when you post.
BTW, I got a big kick out of your answer to her question. Very clever indeed.
Your revelation that S really cares brings up a topic that was on my thread a month or so ago. Why is shared joy not convincing to us? Why is pain the proof? (I haven't answered that one yet.)
Quote: Why is shared joy not convincing to us? Why is pain the proof?
Ohhh, SD, I had completely forgotten about that. Yowch! Yep, the proof is in the agony. Wow, yeah, OK. When I saw his pain, it was a revelation, but I also had a real sinking feeling. Although on the surface I wasn’t aware that I was realizing it, something deep down was dismayed to see that it took a sad breakdown to make me realize something I should have known all along.
Last night we went to a party for one of S’s 20-something FFs, and I was absolutely dreading it. Being young and inexperienced (and I don’t mean one follows from the other, I mean that this particular woman is), she has in the past dismissed our troubles with a “Just get rid of her [meaning me],” and I have been very wary of her because of this. The people I count among my closest friends support and respect my decision to stick with the R and work on it, rather than throw it out like yesterday’s wilted lettuce. We all know how important it is to surround ourselves with people who support M and LTR, and more important, our decisions to go the hard route rather than giving up.
So anyway, I actually had a decent time. The FF was much nicer to me than she has been in the past, and I had a good conversation with her. We were starving (the party was at a bar, and we got there really early), so S. went out and brought back some food for the three of us. His original plan was to grab something at the Ecuadorian place next door, but when he came back, he had made a special effort to go elsewhere to bring me something vegetarian that wasn’t just a salad. I smiled at him and said very earnestly, “Thanks for going out and getting all this delicious food!” And he grinned from ear to ear and kissed me on the cheek. Aww! (WOA, no matter what S. says, are definitely one of his primary LL. Check!)
When some other people showed up, the party turned into a dancing fest, because her (African and Afro-Caribbean) drummer friends had just come from a performance and pulled their instruments out. It was fun, and we left at a semi-decent hour (something I was concerned about because S. will say he wants to leave early and then once he starts having a good time, he won’t leave). So last night I pulled a 180 and decided around midnight that I was ready to leave, and I told S. I was going and he could stay on if he liked. He decided to accompany me home, although I knew he wanted to stay.
Getting undressed and into bed was freezing, and he was really affectionate and sweet in warming me up, calling me “Sweetie,” which he hasn’t done in a few weeks. And this morning, whaddaya know, I got a really nice sleepy snuggle, and consequently was able to pull another 180 by getting out of bed first and making my coffee (S. doesn’t drink it). If this keeps up I’ll be ecstatic.
Still processing the conversation of the other night. Full report at 11.
I love your 180s. Keep them rolling. I'm still as hooked as ever on the details of your life and even found myself going over your brunch menu in the bath the other morning! I was wondering what I could make.
I just wanted to say also that I really like the sound of your S--with all his vulnerabilities and struggles.
Wendy
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Thanks for stopping in, Wendy! Yes, despite what I grumble about constantly on my thread, S. is a very sweet, sensitive, vulnerable guy.
Last night I was home alone and had terrible dreams about Swiss Miss. I don't know what triggered them, but boy, they were nasty, and after every one I'd wake up, toss around, go back to sleep and start a new one about her! UGH! She showed up at my house, she said she's never leave S. alone, she took my violin and ended up playing a solo piece with my orchestra (huh?! ), every time I turned around she was trying to get S. alone in another room, she kept touching his arm, etc.... she was downright EVIL. I hardly slept.
Getting ready to leave to go to lunch with Maya and H2H...
J - re: our discussion about dates - I read somewhere that adrenaline is good for "falling in love" - so a good date is one that involves an adrenaline rush - scary movie, rollercoaster, whatever. Also - a comedy club is good. And any new activity - novelty seems to be important to these WASs.
Fess up, girl!! Where's our damsal in distress, Maya? Stubborn and I both would gladly pay you whatever ransom amount you demand from us to release Maya.
Thanks for the suggestion, Ellie. I'll see what I can come up with. We were supposed to go skating in Central Park last winter, but got bogged down in a R conversation and didn't have the energy to go, and never brought it up again. A year has passed... maybe it's safe to suggest it!
OK, people! Maya came to our fair city of her own free will and she is leaving of her own free will! She promised to come back to the boards soon, though.
Yesterday's lunch was fantastic - we gabbed on for hours. Maya is one of the loveliest people I've ever met - she's warm, genuine, and full of life and vivacity. But you already knew that, right? H2H and I could hardly tear ourselves away, but we finally parted ways after overstaying our welcome at the local Frenchie joint.
Later that evening, H2H and I had plans to go to a concert, but we ended up flapping gums over delicious Indian food and Mango-ritas until the server practically kicked us out on our ear, then repairing to a nearby bar to "finish" our conversation, which of course took a few more hours!
I haven't seen S. since Thursday morning, and am using the much-needed alone time to tear apart my room and reassemble it, less 50 pounds of recycling and 20 pounds of give-away clothing. It's time to make room in my cluttered life for new energy!
Your accounts from the past 24 hours sound marvelous and uplifting! I could use a dose of the 3 of you right now. Do you make house calls? (With a cooler full of your home made goodies, of course? )
Hope you're having a great weekend!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
), every time I turned around she was trying to get S. alone in another room, she kept touching his arm, etc.... she was downright EVIL. I hardly slept.