Quote: I don't recall the part of the conversation where you expressed concern about S's needs in the morning and found out how to fill his love bank. Or about how you expressed gratitude for efforts he did make.
Well, you’re right, I haven’t said much about that. We are constantly trying to figure out how to meet each other’s needs in the morning. One of his needs is to know my schedule, so he can feel comfortable that I have to get up and get going, and then so can he. He says that if *I* get up and get going, then he can, too. To me, this borders on making me drive his own motivation, but I’m not going to split hairs about that (knowing my own propensity to do that in other ways).
The thing is, he wants to know my schedule (and H2H can vouch for this conclusion after a long conversation with her about this over coffee one day not long ago) because he wants me to have one that fits HIS definition of an acceptable schedule. I am a freelancer working from home, and I quit my day job years ago to have the freedom to set my own schedule. S. can’t stand this, and he wants me to “go to work” at a prescribed time in the morning and “come home” before dinner.
So, you see where we go around and around about this? One of my recent efforts at making him feel more comfortable was to get him to help me with a schedule of my various projects in Excel (which I am pathetic in), and he really loved that, making all those clean dates fit into those little squares and seeing how my various projects lined up, with all the deadlines, etc. Oh! a jolly time was had by all.
Quote: His appreciation of your nursing may help him respond better next time you're sick and ask for what you want. You're not expecting him to read your mind, are you?
No, but when I say “I’d like you to stay home with me,” and he says “I don’t know what I can possibly do for you,” and I say “I just want you to be here, to sit with me, to talk to me, to stroke my head,” and he says “I can’t do anything for you, you just need to relax and get some sleep,” and then he leaves, I presume I’ve let him know what I want.
Quote: You always come here and recount lots of good, loving interactions. Why are they not good enough? And if they are, then why is your tank getting emptied so fast?
This is something I’m exploring both within the R and within myself. Thanks for asking so clearly – I want to think about this some more before I venture any thoughts.
Quote: They're not supposed to expire after three hours, you know!
Yeah, I know, but there’s something going on in our dynamic that causes us BOTH to burn through the goodwill deposits like counterfeit fifties! Hmm, maybe the deposits *are* counterfeit in a way… have to think about that one.
And Merrick, it's always good to see you around. I'm thrilled that I still make the velvet ropes in the Yanks tickets line. You're right, in that a simple acknowledgment that he WANTS to be there for me in the morning would go a long way. But we had an interesting talk last night about this (again), and we actually GOT somewhere! Hooray!
I have to post an update later, because I'm still processing the conversation. For now I'll say that we learned quite a bit about each other last night. I'm still blown away by all the new information. (The pizza, by the way, was delicious! S. made a wonderful homemade crust, and we topped it with fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, and calamata olives, with mozz and pecorino romano. Mmm!)
After having been awakened at 5 a.m. by one of S's tenants after a brick was thrown through the tenant's window, S. came back to bed more affectionate than ever, and we went back to sleep two peas in a pod. This morning at 8, when the contractors arrived to look at the house and give an estimate on the work, we were still sawing logs. At the sound of the doorbell, he quickly swung his legs over the side of the bed, but just before he leapt up and into his clothes in a single bound, he twisted back around and gave me a nice kiss.
You're right, in that a simple acknowledgment that he WANTS to be there for me in the morning would go a long way. But we had an interesting talk last night about this (again), and we actually GOT somewhere! Hooray! 
